Lending a hand
by DU-muc
Summary: House and Wilson get a little bit lazy lately. Cuddy gets angry with them and tries to improve their work moral with an interesting bet. But what starts as a silly game could soon threaten their friendship.
1. Chapter 1

"Seriously guys, I don't believe it!", Cuddy was really annoyed when she found her two department heads in an exam room again. They were watching TV and enjoyed a huge bag of chips.

"Really, Dr. Wilson. I expect this behavior from House but you? Why do you always follow his evil role model?"

"Shh!", House interrupted her speech. "I can't understand a single word. Come back later!"

"HOUSE!", Cuddy yelled and took away his little TV. "You go back to oncology", she pointed at Wilson, "and you will use the exam rooms to treat patients for a while. Now!"

House and Wilson both sighed and started grumping but they got up and did as they were told. On his way back to the clinic House tried to get his TV back but Cuddy kept it.

"Your mummy can come and get it at the end of the year!", she smirked and vanished into her office.

"I thought you were my mummy!", House yelled after her. He took a file and went into an exam room. This time with a patient.

* * *

His work enthusiasm didn't hold long though because 15 minutes later he left the clinic and went back upstairs. He was hungry but out of money again. And attending the ATM to get some money from his bank account was out of the question. No, he had his own private bank up there in oncology. But first he visited his team to get the news about their latest patient. He ordered some more tests and vanished out on his balcony. Wilson was buried in paperwork and so he was not really annoyed when his friend visited him again.

"Cuddy will be very pissed when she finds out", he greeted his buddy.

House shrugged. "So she better doesn't find out. Let's go."

"Where are we going?", Wilson wondered.

"Anywhere Cuddy doesn't find us. I'd prefer a place where they serve beer."

"House, it's half past ten in the morning."

"That's why I said beer and not bourbon."

* * *

They had a lucky escape three hours earlier but when they returned to the hospital Cuddy waited for them already.

"This is really beyond funny! You guys can't always work hours for your entertainment. Where have you been?"

"There was this really sick woman and we had to…."

"Oh shut up, House! Tomorrow you guys will work in the clinic the entire day!", she ordered them.

Wilson complained. "You can't do this. I have patients to take care of."

"Yeah, so do I!", House joined the complaint.

"You can do your job everywhere House. You spend your time everywhere but in your office anyway. And you had obviously time for bowling today so you have time for the clinic tomorrow. I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with both. You guys should be glad. This way you can spend the entire day together."

House raised an eyebrow.

"You do realize that we are not a couple, right?"

Cuddy smiled. "Yes, I do. Still you spend too much time together during work hours. I wonder if you will ever get tired of each other."

"You're just jealous!", Wilson smirked.

"Oh right. Being House's best friend. Damn it I really wish it was me!"

Cuddy was challenged now.

* * *

"I bet the two of you couldn't spend a week together. You would drive each other nuts after two days."

"Already proved you wrong. He moved in once and stayed longer than a week", House explained.

"But you guys were not stuck with each other 24/7 then", Cuddy objected.

"Well, we'll never know.", House mumbled and was about to leave.

"Oh come on, House. You guys spend half your time playing games. Now I want to join in and you run away?"

House turned around.

"Why is this so important for you?"

"If you have enough of Wilson for a while and vice versa maybe you would do your job a little bit more often."

"So what are you suggesting?", Wilson asked her now.

"The two of you will spend an entire week together. 24 hours a day. If House has to pee you'll accompany him and if you treat your cancer patients House can help. You won't be separated for a single moment."

"And how will you make sure we don't cheat?", House wondered.

Cuddy smiled. "Just come on and follow me into my office."

House and Wilson exchanged skeptical looks but followed her. The dean was already sitting behind her desk and searching in a drawer.

* * *

"Ah, there you are", she smirked and brought out a pair of handcuffs.

"No way!", both the men yelled simultaneously.

"Oh come on. It's just a week."

"Are you nuts? I can't treat patients while holding hands with House!", Wilson said.

"And I can't think while listening to his endless discussions and advices."

"Alright, alright. I forgot what a bunch of chickens I have here in front of me. So go back to work and don't forget to show up here 8 am tomorrow for your extra clinic shift."

Cuddy sat down and opened a file lying in front of her.

Wilson and House looked at each other again.

"What's in there for us?", Wilson finally asked.

"What do you want?"

"No clinic hours!", House said immediately.

"For how long?"

"Until my retirement would be great."

Cuddy laughed. "Yeah right. You won't retire here, House. One day I'll have to fire you we both know it."

"One year. No clinic hours for one year."

Cuddy shook her head.

"A month. You won't do any work the next 7 days anyway so I offer a month."

"Two months", House went on bargaining.

"Ok", Cuddy agreed.

* * *

Wilson looked confused and interrupted them. "Excuse us for a moment."

He took House aside. "Are you sure about this?"

"Come on, Wilson. It's just a week. And there is always a way to cheat. Don't worry."

Wilson thought it over. He sighed heavily because he already regretted it.

"But no hookers and you won't get drunk!"

House smiled and turned to Cuddy.

"It's a deal."

Cuddy nodded.

"Good. If you guys make it a week you are off clinic duty for two months each. If I win you will clean my entire house every Saturday for 2 months. Don't worry House, I'll get rid of the interesting stuff before I let you in."

They shook hands to settle the deal.

"So, give me your hands!", Cuddy ordered them.

"Why do you have handcuffs in your desk?", House wondered.

Cuddy smirked. "Well, that's for you to find out. Give me your hand."

* * *

"I'll be on the left side", House announced.

"No you're not. I'm left-handed and you use your right hand for everything. It would be stupid. Go back on the right side."

House shook his head.

"I have a medical reason. I have to be on the left side."

"Now I'm curious", Wilson mumbled.

"For years now I'm using my cane on the wrong side. If I'm forced to share my life with you during the next week I can also use it for therapy. This way I'm forced to use my left hand for my cane. Maybe I get used to it and my right shoulder will be more than grateful."

"I have to say, Wilson. That makes sense", Cuddy said.

Wilson sighed. "Fine."

So the two of them lost their freedom when the handcuffs closed around House's right and Wilson's left wrist.

"I hate this already!", Wilson announced.

"Me too. At least I get to drive the car."

Wilson looked pissed off. "So that's the reason you wanted to be on the left side? So you can drive?"

House shrugged. "You think I will get bored to death in your passenger seat? Come on, let's go."

"Have fun, boys! See you next Monday with the keys", Cuddy yelled after them.

* * *

Monday afternoon, Day 1

They came about ten feet before their new situation got between them for the first time. The staff and the patients in the clinic observed the odd couple suspiciously. Nurse Brenda shook her head. These guys were up to something again.

"Come on, I got work to do", Wilson said and walked over to the elevators but was stopped immediately because House didn't follow him.

"Ouch!", Wilson complained and rubbed his left wrist.

"What's the matter with you?"

"I want a red sucker", House said and pointed at the nurse's counter.

Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Cuddy was right. We won't make it. I'll kill you before the end of the week."

House smirked. "Then it's a good thing you get used to the handcuffs."

After House got his sucker he dragged Wilson into an exam room.

"Seriously, House. I have to work. No time for TV right now", Wilson complained while House went through the medical equipment in the cabinet.

"No TV", he snapped and handed his buddy a bandage.

"What now?", Wilson asked confused.

"You know what your wrist will look like in a week? Put this around your wrist."

"That's pretty smart. Thank God you made your experiences with handcuffs", Wilson smirked.

* * *

When they were done House checked his watch.

"It's 5 pm. Let's get out of here", he told his buddy but Wilson shook his head.

"I'm not done for the day. I got paperwork to do I told you."

House rolled his eyes.

"You think I'll sit in your office while you go through your files?"

Wilson shrugged. "Guess you have to. Maybe you could catch up your own work."

House chuckled. "Right. I could also go to your oncology ward and read to the dying cancer kids while I'm at it. Wrap up your papers and let's go home. You can do your secretary's work everywhere."

Wilson regretted this bet already. But discussing with House was useless so he gave in.

They went upstairs to Wilson's office to collect his briefcase and his files. After this they visited House's office as well to get his stuff.

"What's going on now, House?", Foreman asked in an annoyed voice when he saw them.

House shrugged. "Nothing."

"So there's no reason for the chain holding the two of you close to each other?"

"Wilson has issues with relationships. It's therapy. A week like this and he'll be healed", House explained.

"I smell a bet!", Taub announced.

House went through the latest test results in the file.

"I smell a long night for you guys. Knock yourselves out and get a decent history", he ordered them before the two department heads left for the day.

* * *

Wilson obviously had a problem since he seemed somehow embarrassed. House detected it immediately.

"What's up?", he asked him while they waited for the elevator.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

House smirked. "Tell me already. I know that look."

"I have to pee", Wilson finally mumbled.

House laughed. "So what? You thought you could make it the entire week without? Here's some shocking news maybe I have to take a dump later."

* * *

"This is ridiculous", House announced five minutes later when Wilson was still trying to find some relieve. House was examining the wall tiles because Wilson had forbidden him to look in his direction. "Come on, Jimmy."

"Don't rush me!", Wilson snapped.

"We've been standing here next to each other often enough. What's the sudden feeling of shame?", House wondered.

"Your hand has never been so close to the crime scene so far", Wilson mumbled.

"You are pathetic", House stated. He turned towards the urinal he was standing next to unzipped his pants with his free hand and peed. Half a minute later his pants were zipped again.

"See? That wasn't so hard. Now pee or we're out of here."

Wilson sighed. That would be a very long week and he decided right that moment to drink as less as possible.

Five more minutes and the oncologist was finally done. They washed their hands and were ready to leave.

* * *

In the hall outside the clinic they met Cuddy.

"So how have you guys been so far?"

"Wilson is going to wet his pants a few times this week", House told her.

"I don't want to know the reason for that", Cuddy decided. "Have a nice evening, boys."


	2. Chapter 2

A few minutes later, down in the parking lot they were looking at their next problem. Getting into Wilson's car.

"It's easy. I'm the cripple so you go on that climbing expedition", House explained and opened the driver's door.

Wilson climbed over the driver's seat and ended in the passenger's seat after his butt hit the horn on the steering wheel. House had to follow him a little bit so the oncologist could take his left hand with him. Finally he handed Wilson his cane and got into the driver's seat.

"So my place or yours, honey?"

Wilson shrugged. He had not thought about the consequences this game would bring along. The more he thought about it the more he liked the idea of cleaning up Cuddy's place.

"My place doesn't provide bourbon, peanut butter or porns", Wilson explained.

"So it's my place."

"But I have to get some stuff from my apartment."

"So it's my place after yours. Got it", House said and started the car.

* * *

One can hardly imagine how complicated and exhausting it can get when one person has to follow the other one all the time.

There was no "I'll wait in the car" for House when they arrived at Wilson's place. And when the oncologist decided to visit the nearby drug store for some healthy food House's kitchen would certainly not provide, the diagnostician had to come along as well. Everywhere they showed up they draw attention immediately. And it was fun watching them getting in and out of the car.

"I need some booze", House explained but Wilson shook his head.

"No way! You'll have to cut off your hand if you want to go there."

"I let you buy your stupid salad so what?"

"I won't get drunk from my salad. So forget it."

House got annoyed.

"You know you were right. We probably won't make it through the week. Question is who goes down first? I bet you'll be the one to give up."

Wilson looked confused. "Are you suggesting another bet in the middle of a bet?"

"Why not? I bet I make you give up first. You will be begging me for ending this game."

Wilson nodded. "Alright. I'm in."

"So what do you suggest as a wager?", House challenged him.

"If I win you'll take out Cuddy on a date."

House looked surprised.

"You think I would clean her house every weekend and go out on a date with her?"

Wilson shrugged. "Only if you lose."

"You know what you are enabling here?", House asked him.

"Yeah. The two of you will finally face reality."

House shook his head.

"I'll torture you to make sure you give up. I have to win this."

Wilson smiled. "Let the games begin."

"If I win you'll show up at my place every day and cook me dinner for a month", House told him.

Wilson offered his hand.

"Alright!", he said and House shook his hand to settle the deal.

* * *

Without another word House hopped on the edge of Wilson's caddy.

"What are you doing, House?", Wilson wondered.

"Annoying the hell out of you."

"You will need more than that", Wilson explained and pushed the caddy and his buddy through the drug store to find himself some more groceries.

House inspected the stuff and got rid of some of them.

"No garlic in my place!", he told Wilson and threw it in the next shelve. The carrots ended in a shelf next to some chocolates and were exchanged with some candy bars.

Wilson kept silent for the rest of the shopping trip but he got a good impression of how mothers with their annoying kids must feel.

* * *

Finally they arrived at House's place. They settled down on the couch and relaxed for a while.

"Ok", House finally started and looked at his cuffed hand. "No need to stay in this situation longer as necessary. We need some tools here."

"You know how to unlock these?", Wilson asked him.

House chuckled. "Who doesn't? We need some paper clips." He pointed at his desk behind the couch. "Over there in the top drawer."

Wilson looked at him and smiled finally. "You do realize I can't go there alone?"

House sighed. "Right."

They found their paper clips and just when House was about to start his work on the handcuffs his phone rang.

"Let it ring", House mumbled and went on. Wilson looked at the caller ID.

"It's the hospital", he told him.

"I'm busy here", House went on.

Wilson didn't care and took the phone.

"Hello?"

"Don't even think about it. Tell him to get rid of that paper clip or I'll get the vacuum cleaner for you guys right now."

Wilson looked very confused. "Stop it, House."

"What is it?"

"It's Cuddy. She knows what we are doing here."

"What?", he grabbed the phone from Wilson.

"What's going on?"

"It's me, House. I monitor you guys. Making sure everyone plays by the rules. Don't think you could hide from me for a second. Next time you try to cheat you lose."

She hung up leaving the two of them amazed and annoyed.

* * *

"How did she do that?", Wilson finally asked.

House shrugged. "Who cares? She did it. The bad part is now we have to play by the rules. You really think I want to share my bed with you?", House snapped.

"You really think I want you to be there when I take a shower?"

House's eyes became big. "Oh my God."

He had not really thought about this bet when he had took it.

But before they thought about personal hygiene it was time to find some dinner. House wanted to order but Wilson wanted to cook himself.

"Suits me fine as long as you can do it here on the couch. I won't move", House mumbled.

"Get your ass up, House. You can help", Wilson suggested.

"Yes. Please let me peel the potatoes", House snapped in a sarcastic voice.

Wilson was not in the mood for discussions. He took the phone got the batteries out and threw them in the corner of the room.

"Ups. Now we can't call the delivery guy."

House sighed. "Brilliant. If only I had a cell phone."

He got disappointed when Wilson held it up right that moment.

"Give me that!", House told him but it joined the batteries and ended in the corner behind House's piano.

House looked pissed. "You know what, I'm not hungry."

But it was a lie and the sounds in his stomach convicted him. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine. You can do your food poisoning", he said and went up.

* * *

During the following half hour Wilson chased House around the kitchen. He needed stuff from the fridge then he needed a pot, next thing he was looking for a spoon and so on.

And House realized that his idea of being chained on Wilson's left hand was not the very best. Wilson used that hand for everything which meant that House had to follow his every move with his right hand. At least it was a good excuse for not helping at all.

"It needs more salt", Wilson explained after he had tasted the sauce.

House handed over the salt shaker for the third time in the last 2 minutes.

"Is this the way you treat your patients as well? Giving them meds waiting for a change and realizing the dosage was too low? No wonder they die most of the time."

"This is cooking, not chemistry. I don't follow any books but listen to my gut feeling."

House smirked. "The same gut feeling you use to pick out your wives?"

"Shut up, House!"

* * *

Finally they could eat but even that was not easy. Brushing teeth or eating with cutlery had been an automatism for years given that you use the usual hand. Try and use your other hand for a change and it turns out your brain needs a while to figure it out.

Still they were full after a while and House had to admit that it was once more a delicious meal.

"What about the dishes?", Wilson asked and looked at the dirty plates.

House rolled his eyes.

"We throw them away and buy new ones tomorrow."

"No, come on. Don't let it get dry. It's easier to clean it now", Wilson explained.

"Spoken like a true housewife. You sure you're a man?"

"House, there's no reason that we don't do this now. It's your kitchen and your stuff we have to clean it anyway so come on now."

House raised an eyebrow.

"But it's annoying you and not me. I don't care about my kitchen. The longer it stays that way the more it bugs you. Only good for me. That dinner was tasty, 30 more days of it would be great."

Wilson shook his head. "I won't give up because of some dirty plates."

House took a Vicodin and looked around.

* * *

"Time to relax. Time for my piano", he got up but Wilson didn't join him.

"No way. I won't move", he smirked.

"I'm not in a good mood and there are only three things that could improve it right now. Bad enough I can't ride my bike for a week, hookers are off-limits right now as well I guess so the piano has to do."

"I don't care about your mood", Wilson explained.

"Remember we share a bed tonight. You don't want me to be annoyed."

Wilson sighed. That was a serious threat. House was very creative when he was upset and close to his victims.

"Ok, but only half an hour."

While House enjoyed his piano hour Wilson thought about the files waiting for him and the undone dishes. It bugged him. House's tactic worked already. Suddenly House interrupted his play.

"We need to change the rules", he mumbled.

Wilson rubbed his left elbow. He had to stretch his arm all the time while House played his instrument. Now he was glad about the relief.

"What?"

House looked around on the floor. "Give me my cell phone."

Wilson picked it up. It was still in the corner of the room where it had landed an hour earlier.

House took it and dialed Cuddy's number.

"What's going on?", Wilson wondered but House didn't answer him.

"Good evening, Dr. Cuddy. How are you?"

"What is it, House?", she asked him immediately.

"We need to change the rules. I won't ruin all my shirts so you have to give us some freedom so we can get dressed or we just work the entire week in the same clothes if you'd prefer that."

Cuddy thought it over.

"Sounds fair. I give you 5 minutes every morning and evening. That's enough to put on a shirt, right?"

"How are you observing us?", House wanted to know now.

"You think you are the only one who can hire a PI? The guy still has the hots for me so I got a bonus."

"That traitor!", House announced. "How about 15 minutes in the evening? I don't want watch Wilson in the shower."

Cuddy chuckled. "5 minutes. Just look in the other direction."

"Maybe you and I should play this game once as well", House mumbled and earned a sneering look from Wilson.

"Good night, House", Cuddy answered and hung up.

"What did she say?", Wilson wanted to know.

"We got to find those paperclips and a stopwatch. 5 minutes and 1 second and we lose."

* * *

Wilson didn't do his paper work on that first evening. It got late and so they decided to go to bed. They used their five minutes to get changed and to use the toilet in private for a change before they gathered together around the sink to brush their teeth.

"You sure you want to stay on the left side, House?", Wilson asked when it was time to get connected again. House nodded.

"My shoulder feels better already."

Wilson sighed. "Fine."

5 minutes later they lied in House's bed and starred at the ceiling.

"This is really odd", House mumbled.

"It's not the first time we sleep next to each other", Wilson said.

"Waking up next to each other on my floor in the living room with a huge hangover doesn't count."

Wilson smirked. "But it was a great party back then."

Suddenly he sat up. "Forget to set my alarm.

He got his cell phone.

"What time do you get up?", he asked House.

"When I wake up. Around half past nine."

"No way, House. I have to be in the hospital at 9 am", Wilson told him.

House chuckled. "Forget it. But you could give up and be on time."

"Don't worry. I'll be on time", Wilson said and lied down.

* * *

Two hours later they were still lying there both awake and still exploring the ceiling.

"House", Wilson interrupter the silence.

"Hmm", was the only reaction.

"I'm thirsty."

House groaned.

"Just 6 more hours and we have to get up. You'll live."

"We can't sleep anyway. Please."

"At the moment I can't sleep because you are babbling all the time."

Suddenly Wilson reached over House and got the Vicodin of House's nightstand.

"Hey, what are you doing?", House asked in the dark.

"Nothing. Just lost my pills", Wilson mumbled.

House switched on the lights.

"Give me my pills!", he ordered his buddy.

Wilson smirked.

"Wow, this is interesting. I could win this just by taking your Vicodin and making sure they are out of reach."

"No you couldn't."

"House, you won't make it the entire week without Vicodin."

The diagnostician opened the drawer and brought up a new bottle of pills.

"It would take you a week to find my entire stash."

Wilson sighed.

"Can we please go to the kitchen for a second?", he asked annoyed.

"Nope."

After a moment of silence Wilson started humming. House rolled his eyes which was pretty useless since it was dark. The two friends were facing a dilemma here. House was too stubborn to admit the fact that Wilson was annoying him. Wilson was too stubborn to stop humming since he didn't want to lose to House again. So this went on for half an hour. Finally Wilson was annoyed about himself and House was close to starting a killing spree.

But Wilson was still the more reasonable of the two of them.

"Good night, House", he finally said.

"Let's go to the kitchen", House answered.

"What?"

"I'm thirsty", House told him.

Wilson got upset.

"And you weren't thirsty during the last 30 minutes?"

House smirked. "I was but I had to wait until you gave up humming."

"Well bad luck for you. I'm not thirsty anymore. I want to sleep now."

"You want me to start singing? You know I got more musical talent then you."

Wilson sat up. "Ok. Let's go."

* * *

They both got a glass of milk and settled on the couch. Wilson checked his watch. It was half past two in the morning.

"Crappy TV program", House mumbled while he zapped around.

He handed Wilson the remote control and swallowed a Vicodin.

"We have to figure out a way to get some sleep", Wilson mumbled.

"Here's an idea. You decide to quit we get rid of each other and the problem is solved", House suggested.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "I won't give up!"

Suddenly the phone rang. Wilson handed it over. "It's your department."

"What is it?", House snapped.

"You have to come in. He went into cardiac arrest and we barely could bring him back."

"Why do you need me? You saved him and he's still alive."

"Yeah, and we want him to stay alive so please get back in here", Foreman explained.

He told his boss about the latest developments.

House watched Wilson. The oncologist was close to falling asleep. His eyes were shut and his head came dangerously close to House's shoulder.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes", House told his employee and hung up. For a moment he observed Wilson and felt almost pity for him. But a second later his diabolic side came back. He punched his buddy in the side and Wilson woke up immediately.

"What? What's going on?"

He jumped up and dragged House's right arm with him.

"Ouch! Be careful!", House complained.

Wilson was confused. "What's going on?"

"We have to go to the hospital. And no, I'm serious and this is not another try to annoy you."

Wilson nodded. "Ok. But let's get some decent clothes first."

* * *

Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcome. :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Shower time!**

* * *

Half an hour later they entered House's department. The team was waiting for their boss and their involuntarily visitor. Wilson just collapsed into the chair next to House. He rested his head on his arm and didn't take any interest in the ddx.

The team discussed their latest test results and tried to figure out whether to put the cardiac arrest down as a symptom or as the result of their treatment.

House looked at his white board and back at Wilson. He sighed and turned to Taub.

"You are in charge of the board this week."

30 minutes later he sent them out for more tests and was done for the night.

Again he looked at his sleeping buddy but there was no hope for Wilson. House couldn't spend the night on the chair in his office. Not if he planned on using his leg again in the morning.

This time he shook Wilson's shoulder carefully.

"Time to go home", he told him.

"Let's just stay here. We have to get up in 3 hours anyway", Wilson mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

House smirked. "Usually I would settle on my recliner for the rest of the night but it's a little bit difficult with you at my side."

Wilson groaned. "It's a good thing you have to drive", he yawned.

At half past 4 they finally ended up in House's bed and this time it only took them seconds to fall asleep. Unfortunately Wilson's alarm started 3 hours later.

* * *

Tuesday, Day 2, 7.30 am

Wilson opened his eyes and startled because House's face was about 4 inches away from his own. That's the problem when you are chained to another human being and you have trouble sleeping on your back. There is just one side you can roll over and this can bring you really close to your buddy.

The still ringing phone finally completed the job and woke up the second sleeping doctor in the room. House eyes shot open and pierced Wilson's with an annoying look immediately. But House too was surprised about the sudden closeness between the two.

"Put that stupid thing off!", he ordered Wilson.

Wilson did so and rolled on his back.

House yawned really long and loudly while Wilson got uncomfortable again.

"I have to take a shower", he mumbled with that shame in his voice again.

"Well, take a number and stand in line. It's my bathroom so I go first."

"Ok", Wilson shrugged.

"In fact we got our 5 minutes. So I take a shower takes 4 minutes and 30 seconds and we are on the leash just in time and then it's your turn", House explained.

Wilson shook his head. "Oh no. Forget it! I won't waste my 5 minutes sitting around and waiting for you to get showered. I go first then."

"You could use that time to make us breakfast. Some of your pancakes would be great", House suggested.

"Can we just get this over with?", Wilson finally asked him. "You just go first and I'll look the other way."

* * *

House stared into space.

"I have an idea. Get ready, we are leaving right now."

Wilson looked surprised. "What? I won't go out like this."

"There's only one way we can take a shower and get dressed in 5 minutes. It only works if we shower at the same time."

Wilson's face changed from surprised to reluctant.

"No way, House! You are my best friend but there are limits!"

House chuckled. "Relax, that's why we are leaving now. We need a place with two showers. Doctor's locker room in the hospital. Come on."

"Can I at least change my pants first?", Wilson asked and House agreed. "Good idea. You first."

Wilson changed and handed House a pair of jeans.

* * *

House looked at him for a moment.

"Do you mind?"

Wilson got the message and turned around. House sighed.

"That's not what I meant. I have to sit down to change my pants."

"Right, sorry", Wilson mumbled when they settled on the bed.

House got rid of his pajamas. Before he put on the jeans he rubbed over his thigh for a moment with his left hand. House could tell Wilson forced himself to look the other way.

"You've seen it before. Don't be ridiculous, Wilson", he snapped and got dressed finally.

"I see worse things in my oncology ward every day, House."

"Right, don't worry about the cripple", he snapped and got up to button his jeans.

"Hey, what's your problem? It's a damn scar. If I had looked at it you would have also complained", Wilson yelled.

"Wait a second, let me take a Vicodin so you can lecture me about this as well", House grunted and swallowed a pill.

Wilson got angry.

"Don't worry, House. You rub your damn crippled leg into my face often enough. I don't need any more visuals."

"Well maybe you should have kept my ex from crippling me in the first place so I wouldn't bother you with my disability", House shouted.

Wilson shook his head. He couldn't believe this.

"You're an ass!", the oncologist answered and raised his right hand to end this conversation.

"Let's go", he mumbled and walked towards the door.

"Hold it. The cripple needs his cane", House said and reached for it.

Wilson sighed but kept silent. No need to open another discussion.

* * *

"Ok, everyone get their stuff. I'll meet you at the car in 10 minutes", House said before he caught his own mistake.

Wilson laughed. "You don't get this game, right?"

House smiled. "I don't get it why I'm still playing along. I'll be suicidal by the end of the week."

Wilson shook his head. "Oh don't worry. I'll kill you if you ever talk such shit again."

House looked like a puppy. "You used to feel more pity for us poor cripples", he whined.

"We should watch out. Hanging around together all the time makes us aggressive. Probably not the last fight we will have."

House grimaced. "Don't say fight. Sounds like an old couple."

* * *

They collected their stuff and drove to the hospital. It was 8.15 am when they arrived in the shower room.

"5 minutes won't be enough even if we shower at the same time", Wilson said.

"It has to be. Skip playing with yourself and you'll be fine."

"Who cares if we need 7 minutes", Wilson shrugged.

"We are talking about Cuddy here. She'll know if we are 1 second over the time."

"Ok. We get undressed put on the handcuffs again shower and then we have 4 minutes to get dressed."

House thought it over.

"We are talking about taking a shower not winning a Nobel Prize in rocket science. Can we please get started now!"

* * *

And so they did as Wilson suggested although it was not easy to wash while holding hands with the guy in the next cabin.

Their cuffed hands both rested on the edge between the shower cabins. Suddenly House's right arm was pulled away. He nearly slipped since he put too much weight on his right leg.

"You stupid moron, what are you doing?", he yelled.

"Washing my hair! I'm sorry", Wilson answered.

"Well use your right hand", House snapped and held his thigh while he clenched his teeth in pain.

Finally they were done and turned off the water. When they were about to get out they heard a snicker. A female snicker.

"Who is this?", Wilson asked.

"This is a men's room. Get out, Cuddy!", House yelled and answered Wilson's question as well.

"You two are marvelous. Nice strategy. How much time is left for getting dressed?", she wondered.

"4 minutes", Wilson told her.

"How was your night?", their boss went on.

"Cuddy, I'm freezing so either get naked and in here or get the hell out! There's a rule. No women in the boy's room, no boys in a women's room. That's why we always have to peek through a hole in the wall."

Cuddy chuckled. "Alright, I'm leaving. Don't cheat because I'll find out anyway."

When Cuddy was gone they got out of the shower each with a towel around the waist.

* * *

"Ok, hurry up", House said and unlocked the handcuffs. He got used to those paperclips.

They had to hurry but they made it in time.

"Are these my boxers?", Wilson asked and held out a white pair of underwear. House inspected the other one. "They are both the same. Who cares", he mumbled and put them on. He dropped the towel and got into his jeans.

"This is definitely yours", Wilson said, threw him a crinkled blue shirt and put on a perfectly ironed white one himself.

Wilson even found time to bind his tie before they had to end their freedom for the day again.

When the oncologist brought out his razor House rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on", he whined but Wilson insisted.

"I'll lend it to you", Wilson offered with a smirk.

Eventually House had fun watching his buddy.

The oncologist used his right hand to shave. It was the less of two evils. His other option would have been asking House to hold his hand still. But since he was pulling a razor blade through his face Wilson took the save route.

"Shall I get you some toilet paper for the cuts?", House grinned.

* * *

Toilet paper free and freshly cleaned they left 5 minutes later to get some breakfast in the cafeteria.

"Damn it", Wilson suddenly ceased. "I forgot my jacket."

"It's too late now. Don't worry, you look very handsome in your shirt", House smirked. He didn't wear one himself that day. But since he didn't even have an ironing board he looked not as cultivated as his buddy. Luckily he didn't care about it.

They settled at a table with their breakfast and discussed their strategy for the day.

"I have to check in on my team first", House started. Wilson nodded.

"Ok, my ward round starts at 9.30am. I fear you have to come along. And I have meetings with patients in the afternoon."

"Oh God! Why do you have to be an oncologist? Too much patient contacts."

"House, every doctor meets his patients regardless of the specialty", Wilson snapped.

"So your saying I'm not a real doctor?", House asked him.

Wilson was not in the mood for their next slugfest so he waved away.

"You are a brilliant genius, House", he stated in a sarcastic tone.

* * *

When they were on their way upstairs Cuddy passed them in the hall.

"You guys have clinic duty this afternoon at 2pm. 2 hours, one for each of you."

House rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to be there during his clinic duty. Usually I'm not even there for my own."

"Think about it before you take a bet like this, House!", Cuddy smiled and vanished.

"Come on, let's see if my patient is still alive", House mumbled and they got into the elevator.

* * *

"House, are you serious about that bet?", Foreman greeted his boss when they entered the diagnostic department.

"No, we ended it but now I can't live without Wilson. Who told you guys?"

"Cuddy. She told us to keep an eye on you", Taub explained.

"Of course she did", House mumbled and checked the file for the latest development.

"Just get used to it. Wilson will be our guest this week but I'll be out of here most of the time anyway. You guys do the work then you find me and tell me about the results. See, it's business as usual. Now go and get a piece of his heart. We finally have to find out what's wrong with it. I'll be somewhere in the oncology ward."

Wilson's day started in his office. There was a huge pile of files on his desk right next to his mail. House collapsed in his chair that he brought along from his own office and got his PSP. Unfortunately Wilson needed his left hand.

"I need both hands. How am I supposed to kill these guys?", House complained while he concentrated on the screen.

"I told you to let me my left hand but you wanted to drive the car so live with it. You should be thinking about your patient."

"I have to be busy while I'm thinking."

"So get your ball or your yoyo or anything else you can do with one hand", Wilson told him while he went through his mail.

"And you better check your watch. You are late", House smirked.

"Oh shit. Let's go", the oncologist ordered. They got up and Wilson grabbed his lab coat.

House laughed. "Nice try. This will be interesting."

Wilson sighed. This was so annoying. No lab coat, no jacket and with a colleague in tow who looks like a hobo instead of a doctor. That would need some explanation.

House puckered his lips and shock his head.

"How will you make it through the day without your sacred pocket protector?"

"Can we please go now. My residents are waiting", Wilson said in a slighly desperate voice.

* * *

At 9.50 they met with a group of young doctors. Again they were greeted by skeptical and questioning faces.

"Good morning everyone", Wilson greeted them. "Ahm, I think you all have heard of Dr. House. He will accompany us during this week. I apologize already for any discriminating or insulting comments especially to the ladies. Feel free to get violent if he annoys you. Now let's start with our first patient."

While the 5 residents gathered around the middle aged woman Wilson held back his buddy for a moment.

"If you behave well I'll get you some macadamia pancakes for breakfast tomorrow", he whispered and caused a smile in House's face.

"You think I'll embarrass you?", he wondered.

"Hmm, I wonder why I could think that."

"You can make us pancakes while I'm still in bed?"

"No, while you sit next to me in the kitchen. Sorry, there's no delivery service for my breakfast specialties."

"Fine, but I won't help!", House decided.

"Ok", Wilson agreed relieved.

* * *

When the group was talking about patient number 5 right after Wilson had explained for the 5th time why he was chained to a colleague (and no, he did not tell the truth but told his patient it was a special sort of study about the lack of privacy) Foreman stepped in to talk to his boss.

"I see you found your personal hell", the neurologist smirked and handed his boss the test results.

"Why don't you start a new drug trial? Oh right, you can't you would lose your license because you screwed up the last one", House grinned and opened the file. "So the heart is fine and still it isn't. Is he back to a regular sinus rhythm?"

Foreman shook his head.

While Wilson still taught his fellows the neurologist and the diagnostician started their own discussion.

"Excuse me, Dr. House", a young woman finally interrupted them.

"What?", he snapped.

"I can't hear Dr. Wilson. Could you please turn it down a little?"

House raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry. You don't need this stuff anyway. All your answers so far have been total crap so I doubt it you will ever be a decent doctor. Why do you still waste your time here?"

"House!", Wilson interfered, "Shut up!"

"I'm working here. Trying to save a life while she complains that she can't get the 25th time you explain the difference between a tumor and cancer. They want to call themselves doctors but all this is oncology 101 here."

"Just keep it down please. We are nearly done", Wilson whispered and returned to his lecture.

"So what do we do?", Foreman asked House now.

"We are losing power. There's something wrong with the electrical insulation."

"I take this as a "find out if it is a neurological problem in the heart""

House nodded. "Exactly."

"What do you get if you guys win the bet?", Foreman wanted to know.

"Why do you care?"

Foreman shrugged. "I wonder if it is really worth this."

House smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I think it is."

"Ok. Have fun, House!"

* * *

Two more patients and they were done. Time for lunch in the cafeteria.

"Can I get some extra garlic for my salad?", House asked the woman behind the counter.

"House! Please don't do this", Wilson asked him.

"Hey, I have a bet to win", House said and swallowed a Vicodin. He turned to the woman again. "Come on, don't be greedy!"

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your reviews. :-)**

* * *

After their lunch break Wilson had an appointment with the parents of one of his cancer kids. The boy was close to be terminal and Wilson's last hope was a new therapy that was still in try out.

On his way back to his office the oncologist thought about House's behavior in the morning.

He had been a jerk but at least he didn't insult any patients, only colleagues.

But this was different. So he stopped his friend in front of the door.

"House, we need to talk", he started and his buddy already rolled his eyes.

"I know this is a bet and we obviously forgot to put up some rules. So you can do whatever you want to compromise my dignity or whatever. But there's one thing that is sacred to me. Don't take this out on my patients, alright? This kid will probably die. After he fought 5 of his 11 years against his cancer he will die. So behave yourself for once!"

House raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you want to trust me here? It's the perfect opportunity for me to screw you. I don't know if I can let this pass by."

Wilson took a deep breath and looked at the floor for a moment.

"House, even you couldn't be such a bastard, right? And if you can then there's no need for this bet anymore because I don't want to be friends with such an asshole! Got it?"

"Of all the things I've done this is where you draw the line? I mean, I killed your girlfriend, I made you lie to the cops for me and I constantly insult you. Some people think I ruined your marriages as well and this is where you draw the line?", House wondered.

"Just shut up and don't make me proof it, alright?"

House realized how serious Wilson was about this.

"Ok", he mumbled eventually.

* * *

Wilson was so good in his job especially in the taking care part. House didn't really envy his buddy's skills because he didn't want any contact with his patients anyway but it impressed him how Wilson gave this family new hope although their son's live was in the balance. He was competent even with the guest on his left hand.

The oncologist explained the therapy and informed them that they had to do some minor surgery first.

The boy looked scared. He was used to hospitals and all sorts of procedures but surgery was still frightening the hell out of him. His mother tried to calm him down.

"Will you be chained to that guy in the OR as well?", he asked now nervously.

House smirked.

"Don't worry. You know Dr. Wilson for so long. Has he ever screwed up anything?"

The boy shook his head.

"See, plus I'll be there and make sure he finds your liver instead of your kidneys, alright?"

This time the boy nodded and smiled.

Wilson looked surprised at his friend.

"Ok, I think we are done so far. I see you guys in the morning", he finally said and left the room with his buddy.

* * *

"That was very nice of you, House", Wilson said when they walked down the hall.

"The boy nearly cried. That would have been annoying and we would have never gotten out of there", House mumbled.

Still Wilson smiled. He knew it was just an alibi.

Unfortunately it was time for their clinic duty now.

"You want first or shall I?", Wilson asked when they entered the clinic.

"What?"

"We got two hours, one for each of us. You can treat patients now or in an hour, what do you want?"

"I want you to do both hours. You have to be there anyway and you care for them. I could bring my little TV."

Wilson chuckled. "Nice try." He handed him a file. "You go first."

House rolled his eyes.

* * *

Cuddy watched her two department heads when they showed up in the clinic at 2.05 pm. Only 5 minutes late. Impressive. But obviously they had a disagreement about something. House looked annoyed and Wilson finally shoved a file into his hand.

Cuddy really had fun watching those two.

Now Wilson spotted her and walked over dragging House behind him. But House still had that file in his hand together with his cane so he dropped his wooden friend.

"Hold it, idiot!", he yelled and stopped forcing Wilson to do the same.

Cuddy shook her head. Slapstick comedy for the entire clinic.

Eventually the two arrived together with House's cane and the file.

"We need to talk", Wilson told his boss.

Cuddy grinned.

"Thanks for the entertainment, boys."

House looked annoyed and gave her his pissed off smirk.

"I have a problem with this bet", Wilson went on.

"Only one? Is it 6'3'' and unshaved?", Cuddy wondered.

"I have to do some minor surgery in the morning. I'm gonna need both hands."

Cuddy raised her eyebrows. "Then maybe you should give up."

House laughed. "Way to go, sister. See, that's why I don't do procedures myself."

"Because your boss could come up with a lunatic bet that puts you on a leash for a week?", Wilson wondered.

"Exactly. Why don't you send one of your genius residents? So we could sleep late tomorrow."

Cuddy interrupted them.

"Ok, Wilson. I see your dilemma. Do the procedure but House stays in the OR with you. When you scrub he will stand right next to the sink and when you do the surgery he can assist you", Cuddy offered.

"Oh come on, Cuddy. Make him give up and we can all have a life again", House whined.

Cuddy turned to Wilson. "Tell you what. Take your time tomorrow."

Then she got out the keys for the handcuffs. "Just in case you want to give up, House. But remember, I got eyes and ears everywhere."

"You mean that lousy PI that follows us around? Tell him to improve his skills, we see him all the time."

* * *

Instead of the PI House and Wilson finally saw their first patient.

"What's the matter with you guys?", the old lady asked them when they entered the exam room.

"I want a real doctor not a bunch of crazy people."

House smirked. "Fine", he said and turned around but his better half stopped him.

"Believe me, Ma'am. We are doctors. This is just a little experiment."

House interfered.

"Wilson, the lady obviously wants to see a colleague so let her. We are out of here."

"Wait a second", she told him. "I don't have time all day. I've already waited 2 hours. If you guys went to a med school I'm satisfied. See, I have this rash on my back. Goes down all the way to my... you know what I mean."

"Sure we do, Ma'am. Dr. Wilson will take a look immediately", House told her.

Wilson gave him an annoyed look but inspected the nice lady's back.

There was already some puss developing. It was definitely a weeping rash.

"Hmm, I'm not sure. What do you think, Dr. House?", Wilson asked him and forced him to take a look as well.

"I think it's disgusting!", he just said.

"House!", Wilson said shocked but the old bird fought her own fights. Without hesitating she turned around and slapped him across his face.

"Where are your manners, boy?", she yelled and raised her hand again but Wilson held her back.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. You got that all wrong. What my friend here meant is that it is frustrating that a nice woman like you has to suffer from such an annoying rash."

She looked at him really skeptically. "Are you kidding me, son?"

"No, no. Let me just write you a prescription for some antibiotics and a lotion and it'll be fine in no time."

He wrote it down and handed it over.

The old woman got up and shook her head.

"These young people are really crazy nowadays. And you really should watch your language", she told House and got out.

* * *

As soon as she closed the door behind her Wilson couldn't held it back. He burst out laughing.

"I can see the shape of her hand on your cheek. That was terrific."

"It's frustrating to see her suffer from such a rash??? What's the matter with you? Damn old lady!", House mumbled and rubbed his cheek. She might be old but she still had power in that arm.

"Actually I wonder this doesn't happen more often", Wilson said. "Come on, next patient. Maybe I can watch a nice punch."

But Wilson got disappointed. The other patients didn't get violent although House had some snappy comments for them.

Half an hour later Wilson was convinced that they could spend their time more useful around that place. So House got his little TV and they occupied an exam room for the rest of their clinic duty. They did this often enough anyway so why not today when they had to spend their time together anyway?

Finally they returned to the department of diagnostic medicine.

* * *

"How are you guys doing?", Taub greeted them.

"We are fine, I think", Wilson told him.

"The patient is still alive?", House asked him.

"Of course", Thirteen told him, "but his kidneys are failing now. Maybe we shouldn't just concentrate on his heart."

"What did the neuro test say?"

"Nothing. We still couldn't find the cause of his tachycardia", Foreman explained.

House browsed the file again. He must have missed something, anything. Maybe just some minor information nobody would care about. But often enough these are the things that made the difference between life and death.

"Take care for his kidneys, keep them alive as long as possible", he told his team, grabbed the file and got up. He looked at Wilson.

"Now I need to do some office work."

Wilson knew House spent many nights in his office pondering about his cases but he never got an inside look because usually nobody was supposed to disturb him.

* * *

First they sat behind the desk while House took one more look at the file. Next he inspected the MRI files again and stood in front of the screen for half an hour. Wilson got bored after 5 minutes. He couldn't find anything unusual on those images.

Finally House gave it up, too and went on playing with his red ball. He threw it again the wall over and over again. Now Wilson was bored and annoyed about the repeating sound of the ball bumping against the wall. For the oncologist this was a mixture of fascination and boredom.

He was amazed about the way House was sucked into his thought process. How much effort he put into this case. But he was bored when House didn't move at all for a while.

House didn't say a word until he got hungry two hours later and they ordered some pizza.

Of course Wilson paid for it. They ate while House scanned some books.

"How long is this gonna take, House?", Wilson finally interrupted him an hour later.

House shrugged. "No idea. Usually until I have my epiphany."

"Is there any chance you get it now? I'm tired and I need to go to the bathroom."

House got out the key for the handcuffs. "Feel free to leave anytime."

"Are you really pondering about this case or is this just some other lunatic game of yours to drive me nuts?", the oncologist asked him.

"Luckily I can do both at the same time", the diagnostician told him.

"House, you can do this everywhere. Can we go home now?"

"Can you shut up, please? I'm thinking here!"

"Yeah, and I get bored to death here so let's go."

"I'm sorry there are doctors who have real work to do. My patient can't be helped by sitting at his side and holding his hand."

Wilson got upset. "What are you saying here?"

"I'm saying that nobody cares whether you do a good job or not. When a patient dies nobody comes and blames you because they died of cancer. It's not the doctor's fault when someone dies of cancer, right?"

Wilson couldn't believe it. "Are you out of your mind? I'm trying to help these people. Yes, I give a crap about people and I won't apologize for it. At least I don't treat only one patient a week."

House didn't know why he did this. But Wilson annoyed the hell out of him right now. It had only been 30 hours and he was already pissed off. It wasn't Wilson's fault and he knew it but still he wished he could have some time for himself. Taking the bike for a ride or something. But that was off-limits 5 more days.

And this case got to him as well. They had this patient for 4 days now and still they had hardly found out anything. Usually an all-nighter would solve this or at least bring up some new information but Wilson disturbed his thought process although the oncologist wasn't even aware of it.

House rubbed his forehead now.

"Right, I'm sorry you wonder oncologist. My department is ridiculous since we only save 4 people a month, right? Thank God you cleared this one out."

"Oh shut up, House!", Wilson yelled now. He jumped up and grabbed House by his arm.

"It's bad enough to listen to all that crap but I won't do it here!"

House was surprised when Wilson suddenly got violent

"Hey, relax buddy", he said but Wilson was furious now.

"I'm not your buddy right now", the oncologist said and shoved House's cane in his hands.

"We are leaving now!", Wilson said and dragged him behind him.

House gave it up. With his handicap he couldn't really resist against Wilson's effort.

* * *

They entered the parking garage and found Wilson's car.

"Open it up", Wilson ordered but House just shrugged.

"I have no keys."

"You had them this morning. What did you do?"  
"They are on my desk. I didn't know we were leaving now."

Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Tell me this is a joke!"

But House smirked and shook his head. "Sorry. What can you expect from a dump diagnostician? We can't be all as smart as you."

"You know, there's something I can do really good with my right hand", Wilson said now.

"Yeah, you proved that in the shower that morning you nasty pervert", House chuckled but without another word Wilson punched him in the face. House went down and due to their cuffed hands he took Wilson with him. Finally they lied next to each other on the concrete floor in the garage.

House checked his right cheekbone. Wilson didn't say anything. He hated violence but right that moment he felt better.

Finally House chuckled.

"The old lady hit me harder than you did", he told his friend.

They both just laughed for a moment.

"Can we please go home now?", Wilson finally asked.

House groaned. "I doubt it. I will never get up again."

He searched for his cell phone and called his department.

"Taub, get Wilson's keys from my desk and get them down here in the parking lot", he ordered his employee and hung up.

"I doubt it I'll still be awake when he gets here", Wilson said and yawned.

"No wonder. With his short legs it'll take him forever."

* * *

It took Taub 5 minutes to find his boss. Mostly because he didn't expect the two department heads lying on the floor. He looked surprised but didn't ask any questions.

The two men got up and into the car. Their unique technique of climbing in was a routine for them now.

Before House started the car Wilson looked at him.

"Will you stop telling all that shit now, please? You are not winning this bet that way but you'll lose a friend if you go on like this."

House didn't listen to him. He was already pondering about the case again.

This night Wilson slept like a baby. House on the other side lied there awake and still thinking about his patient. There had to be a rational explanation for his symptoms. There always was one. The diagnostician sighed and looked at his sleeping friend.

No wonder he couldn't concentrate on his case. There were hundreds of things he would have preferred doing right now. His motorbike was collecting dust outside, his piano stood in the wrong room and being alone for 5 minutes would have been paradise right now.

The knock on his door was a welcomed interruption.

* * *

Wednesday, 3.30 am, Day 3

House looked at his watch. It was half past three. Time to wake up Wilson.

"Hey, we need to get up", he said and shook Wilson's shoulder. He only received a groan. The knock on the door got louder and slowly the oncologist woke up.

"What is it?", he wondered after he had realized that his nightmare had not ended and he was still chained to House.

"We got a visitor", House explained and sat up.

They opened up and found House's entire team outside.

"I do have a phone", he snapped.

"We felt pity for Wilson and thought we come by instead of forcing you guys back to the hospital", Thirteen explained.

"And you left the patient alone because the wellbeing of our oncologist here is more important than the regular pulse of our patient? Do you ever listen to me or did you switch off your brains the day you got that job?"

"He will never have a regular pulse again. He died an hour ago, his heart gave up again", Foreman mumbled.

House starred at the floor for a moment and sighed. Wilson looked shocked. Finally the diagnostician turned to his employees again.

"Why are you here?", he asked.

"We thought you want to know this", Taub explained.

"I want to know why he died! So why are you not in the morgue cutting out his heart?", he yelled and slapped the door in their faces.

* * *

Foreman looked at his coworkers. "Go home, get some sleep", he told them.

"What about the autopsy?", Taub asked.

"You think he's gonna die again? We'll do it tomorrow. Good night."

Wilson starred at House. For a while they just stood there next to the closed door.

"Are you of your mind?", he finally interrupted the silence.

House didn't react.

"They worked their asses off during those past few days and now you let them do an autopsy in the middle of the night?"

"If they had worked that hard, the guy would still breathe!", House shouted.

"You are pathetic, House! You just hope they come up with an answer that tells you that you couldn't do anything to save him."

"Yes, you are right", House shouted and hit his fist against the door. "It's not their fault. It's yours! If it hadn't been for you I would still be in my office doing my job. I would have solved that one days ago if it hadn't been for your annoying presence!", House let all his anger out now. Wilson couldn't believe it.

"Oh yeah? Well, I tell you something. With all that shit coming out of your mouth lately I wonder how you can even think about medicine. Aren't you busy drowning in self pity as always? Wondering why life screwed you up? You egocentric maniac bastard!"

Without another word House dragged Wilson behind him in the bedroom. He found his pants and got the key for the handcuffs.

"This is over. Get the hell out of here!"

But Wilson pulled away his hand.

"Oh no, it isn't! I'm not gonna clean Cuddy's house just because of your asshole attitude!"

"Well then chain yourself to one of your brilliant residents. I'm out of this!", House told him and tried to unlock it again.

"And then what? Everything is gonna be alright? The guy lives again? Oh no, I forgot. You throw me out of here and you can breed all by yourself again with some lousy TV program, a bottle of Scotch and your damn pills, right?"

"At least I won't have to listen to your crap any longer."

Wilson laughed and tried to calm down. He took a deep breath.

"Ok. You can either unlock these handcuffs now and you'll win your freedom but you'll lose your dignity for the next 8 Saturdays and you'll lose a friend. Or you can get a clear head now and we go to the hospital and we find out why this poor guy died."

House looked at him for a moment.

"My team covers this", he just said and weighed the key in his hand.

Wilson chuckled. "No they don't. I bet you 100 bucks they went right home."

"Yeah, sure. Mutiny in the diagnostics department. Happens all the time. I'm a lousy boss."

"You are but that's not the point. They got brains. First thing they did was going home to get some sleep."

House looked skeptical but also challenged.

He laid down the key on his nightstand.

"100 bucks. It's a deal."

Wilson sighed. They would definitely need a talk at the end of that week if their friendship still existed by then. At the moment he just wondered how he could be stupid enough to not end that crazy game. But they were not done, yet.

* * *

Whenever he lost a patient without a diagnosis it followed House until he finally got his answer. He would be a huge pain in the ass if they couldn't figure that one out.

Wilson checked his watch and promised himself to go on a vacation as soon as possible. He would use it to sleep for a week. Four o'clock in the morning and they left House's place just to cut open a dead guy's chest. Wilson would have paid the 100 bucks immediately because it meant that House's team was busy with that autopsy already and he could have gone back to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Wilson got disappointed when they arrived in the dark morgue. He could not return to House's place to catch some sleep.

"Hand it over, House!", he smirked however. "You owe me a hundred bucks."

"These idiots!", House said and shook his head. His team would definitely pay for this.

House looked at his now former patient on the table in front of him.

"Can you cut with your right hand?", he asked Wilson but the oncologist shook his head.

House raised an eyebrow and got his cell phone.

"Good thing I am blessed with a team", he smirked and dialed Foreman's number.

"Let them sleep, House. We can do this"

House shook his head. "I don't get this. His heart was the only functioning organ left. His kidneys shut down, his liver was close to giving up but his heart was fine. It must have been something we did to him."

"Or something that took some time to develop. Maybe an infection", Wilson suggested.

"We tested him for infections but his heart was clean. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it."

"Maybe it was just too weak with all the other organ failures", Wilson went on but that didn't satisfy House at all.

"Then what was the underlying cause? What screwed up his kidney and his liver?"

"Maybe it wandered. First stop kidney, next stop liver and finally….", Wilson didn't finish the sentence but it didn't matter. House didn't listen to him anyway.

"You got it, right? You know what happened?"

House shook his head. He stepped forward and opened the patient's mouth to check his teeth.

"Nice patient history", he mumbled when he found what he was looking for.

"Nobody told me he had obviously a dental problem", he said when Wilson checked the teeth, too.

"It's not important. He had some toothache, so what?"

"It is important if that infected root of the tooth screws around and let the infection go on a ride. Spreading infection in this one", he pointed at the moral on the upper side, "can make you blind. This one on the other hand causes infections of the pericardium which weakens your heart and makes it stop in bad cases, like let's say if you have already lost two organs."

"So that explains the heart but what about the rest? Why did he die?"

House looked back at the patient.

"I have no idea."

* * *

House and Wilson did not cut open the chest in that night. They decided to let House's team do that in the morning. Instead they looked for a spot to find a couple of hours of sleep. Not really easy but finally they settled on the couch in the doctor's lounge.

"You sure this works for your leg?", Wilson asked when House put his feet on the table.

"Hurts anyway", he mumbled and swallowed a pill.

"Good night!"

Two hours later Cuddy found her two sleeping employees. One of the nurses had told her about House's patient and the whereabouts of the department heads. She felt already pity for them. Wilson would definitely keep a stiff neck for the day and House would have a tough one for his leg given their current positions on that couch.

Cuddy also could imagine that they had a hard time and they were probably driving each other nuts. House's black eye was a good indicator for that.

"Good morning, boys!", she finally yelled and woke them up.

They startled and needed a moment to realize where they were. Wilson was the first one to groan.

"Oh my God", he whined and rubbed the back of his aching neck. House massaged his thigh and therefore he pulled on Wilson's left arm.

"Careful!", Wilson said and got his hand back. House stretched and yawned loudly before he finally opened his eyes.

"Good thing you are here, Cuddy. I quit. I need to sleep for a year", he finally announced.

"How are you guys doing?", their boss wanted to know.

"Oh we are fine. Piece of cake!", Wilson told her.

"Sorry, Cuddy. We are far away from giving up", House added.

"That's not why I asked. You lost a patient, House and Wilson, you have that surgery this morning. You sure you can do that?"

House shook his head and pursed his lips.

"See, we are nothing but work slaves for her. All she cares about is our work. That's just sad."

Cuddy chuckled. "You guys better get in shape. You look like a bunch of hobos. I'm sure you are keen on taking a shower."

"Maybe we should chain you to Dr. Cameron for a week. And then I show up in the shower room. You think I would survive that?"

"That'll be a question for the ages. I would never be stupid enough to participate in such a nut job game", Cuddy explained and left the room.

Wilson looked at House.

"You know, even if you don't lose that bet you should ask her out. She has the hots for you."

House chuckled. "You don't get enough sleep lately, buddy. Let's get that shower."

* * *

They did it the same way like the day before. There was just one slight difference. Actually two because Cuddy didn't visit them this time. But that was not necessary since they were able to make fools of themselves this time.

Which came as a surprise because they were both very smart guys, actually brilliant minds and both very well known in their specialties and it should have occurred to them that some fresh clothes would come in handy after the shower.

"So get your old ones for the moment. I have some clean laundry upstairs", House said and turned around to get his pants.

"Hmm, that's interesting", he mumbled and cocked his head.

"What?", Wilson asked irritated.

"I could swear I was wearing clothes when we came here."

"So?"

"Where are they now?", House asked and pointed at the now empty bench. Only the key for the handcuffs was still there.

"That bitch!", Wilson yelled and caused House to laugh.

"Oh my God, Wilson. That was a nasty word from you. Boy, you must really love these pants."

"Call your team. They can get us some clothes", Wilson said.

"Good idea. Let me get my phone", he snapped sarcastically. "Oh look, here's the number. 0800-you're an idiot."

"House, I will not run around the hospital only wearing a towel around my waist and you on my hand", Wilson complained.

"Right, it would rather be a slow walking thing. At least I have my cane."

Wilson sighed and looked his friend in the icy blue eyes.

"Tell me you have already an idea for the revenge of the century! Tell me we will get her for this."

House was amused about this sudden anger coming from his friend.

"We could just wait here. Sooner or later someone will come in and we can use his phone", he suggested.

"I have to be in the OR in half an hour. We must go. Let's just pray there are not too many people around."

* * *

House opened the door carefully and popped his head out on the floor. It was only half past seven so the floors were nearly empty.

Slowly they moved forward always checking for witnesses. First they met the janitor.

"Morning, Lou!", House greeted him as if nothing was going on. Wilson blushed immediately.

"I knew it!", Lou announced. "Now Joe from nightshift owes me 50 dollars."

"We better take the stairs", Wilson suggested and caused an amused expression on his friend's face.

"I thought you wanted to hurry up. And no we will not!"

"But we can't go into the hall like this only to catch an elevator."

"And I can't take the stairs. Sorry, my crippled leg beats your reputation anytime", House explained and so they entered the hall in front of the clinic.

It only took a few seconds before the nurses saw them and since both of them looked pretty good shirtless some of them started whistling and clapping.

"Wow, wow. Good thing there are doctors in the house. I might faint", one of them smirked.

"Thank you girls. But I told you nothing special for my birthday", another one yelled. Wilson shut his eyes and wished himself far away. House on the other hand pushed the button for the elevator.

"Thanks ladies. I see you all have excellent taste. If only you evoked the same reactions with me. But those uniforms definitely turn me off!"

"Oh shut up, House!", Wilson yelled and pushed him in the open elevator. They reached their floor. Wilson took a left turn while House went straight down the floor.

* * *

The chain between their hands stopped them finally.

"What are you doing?", Wilson asked annoyed.

"Going to my office, what else?"

"No, no. My office first. I won't meet your team like this. Please, I have a shirt for you as well."

"What about some shorts? I never wear foreign underwear."

"What? Yesterday you didn't care about your boxers. So please."

Actually their discussion got more and more pointless since House's office had windows and his entire team was already observing them. Foreman finally stepped out on the floor.

"You guys need some help?", he smirked.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Brilliant. This is your fault, House!"

"Oh relax. Where did you go to college? Never had a bet like this with your room mates?"

"No. And there's a difference between running around naked in your dorm or here at your working place. I have a reputation to lose."

House nodded and observed two passing nurses.

"The way the chicks around are checking out your butt you'll also have Mrs. Wilson five on your hands very soon."

Wilson looked around ashamed. "Let's please go now!"

* * *

Since they had to get changed for the OR anyway they skipped the clothes in their offices and went over to the surgery ward. On their way there House suddenly stopped.

He stepped back and looked into the room on his right. A male nurse was just checking the infusion of a patient.

"What is it, House?", Wilson wondered but his buddy didn't answer him. Instead he opened the door of that room.

"Hey Lucas. How are you?"

The male nurse turned around.

"Dr. House. Hi, how are you doing? What a coincidence to meet you here."

"Right, I saw you at least five times yesterday. Twice you looked through my windows at home. Lots of coincidences. Feel free to leave our clothes in my office."

The PI shrugged. "Sorry, I just do my job."

"Right, we'll see how that works out", House mumbled. "Keep away from the patients. If you need to go undercover me and my cane, we can help you with your disguise. You will look like the perfect patient."

* * *

While Wilson scrubbed his hands House talked to his team.

"House, you should have clean hands as well. You can assist me."

"Do I look as if I went to nurse school?", the diagnostician complained.

He turned to his team. "Do the autopsy. Find out what killed him!", he ordered him after he told them about his tooth spreading infection theory.

Finally he returned to the sink and got a brush to clean his hands.

"Does this kid even have a chance to survive?", he asked his buddy.

"What, you got something better to do? Sorry, that I take your time."

"No, I just wonder. Maybe he has suffered long enough."

Wilson looked confused and surprised.

"You think we should just let him die?"

House shrugged. "Maybe you should have asked him instead of his parents."

Wilson sighed. "That's funny. Usually you are the one you who tries everything even if everyone else already called time of death. What's your problem?"

"Nothing. I just wonder if it is worth the effort. And no, I don't mean mine or yours but the boy's. He'll be dead in two years anyway."

"Yeah, and two years are of course very short for a 12 year old. You think that's just about him? I got an oncology ward full of dying kids. Maybe he won't survive this but he will help us to save others just by participating in this trial. See, there is a difference between healing what comes around the corner and fighting cancer. God, I wish I had your job."

He left House behind at the sink and entered the OR. The boy was already asleep and five minutes later they were ready to start the procedure.

* * *

House took a seat on a stool in the corner of the OR. He was not in the mood to help.

"Can you hurry? My soaps starts in 20 minutes", House mumbled after 5 minutes.

"Shut up!", Wilson said and turned to the nurse.

"I need more suction here, there's too much bleeding."

"Maybe you should let a surgeon do this surgical stuff. After all, that kid has two more years to live. Would be a shame to kill him today."

Wilson got nervous. He couldn't control the bleeding. "Shut the fuck up, House!", he yelled and asked for another sponge.

House whistled and turned around on his stool.

A beeping noise signaled them that the blood pressure dropped suddenly.

"Damn it, where is it?", Wilson mumbled and checked the liver still for the leak.

"House, get over here. I need help", he shouted.

"Of course you do!", House said and stood up. The nurse helped him with the gloves and finally he helped Wilson searching the cause.

"Hang another bag of O negative", he ordered the nurse on his right.

"I can't see anything", Wilson said and asked for suction once more.

"What did you do? That's a mess! You worked with a blender here?", House wondered while he tried to get a better look.

Wilson rolled his eyes but kept silent.

"There it is!", House finally announced. A little blood vessel on the back of the liver. Wilson saw it and together they could fix it. The nurse sucked the remaining blood and the blood pressure improved hence to the donor blood.

"I think we got it", House said when he saw that no new blood showed up.

They finished and left the table so that the resident could close him up. In the scrub room they got rid of their masks, gloves and gowns.

* * *

"I want my own pants", House announced. He hated those hospital clothes.

"Well done, guys", they heard a voice behind them. It was Cuddy. She was leaning against the door frame and smiled at them.

"I wonder why you even pay Lucas. You are stalking us all day long anyway", House said. "Can't you really live without us?"

"Actually, I came to make sure you remember the rules", she said and held out the handcuffs.

"Can we first change, please?", Wilson asked.

Cuddy looked around. "Did you guys bring fresh clothes?"

"No. They are upstairs in the office."

Cuddy cocked her head. "Well, then I guess no. Leave this room separated and you lose."

"You could go upstairs and get them for us", House suggested.

Cuddy laughed. "Good idea. Can I get you something else? Lunch, drugs, 100 cc of reality maybe?", she said and left the room.

House watched her leaving and smiled. Wilson observed his reaction and looked surprised.

Finally he grinned. "Oh you are so into her, House!"

House threw him a pissed look.

* * *

"I'm hungry. Let's find some lunch. In fact, let's take the rest of the day off."

"I can't. I have my patients", Wilson objected.

House grimaced. "You have an oncology ward full of doctors. When will you finally realize this, you are the boss in there. So tell someone else to deal with your patients today."

Wilson was still skeptical about that idea and House could see that.

"Come on, buddy. I bet there are plenty of things you would like to do now."

Wilson nodded. "Being alone for a year would come in handy."

"Ok, anything but that", House told him.

"What could we possibly do, House? Want to go bowling? Playing pool or minigolf?"

"How about sleeping? Watching stupid things on TV?"

Finally Wilson agreed.

"But we can't go out dressed like this", he objected.

"Why not? This isn't fashion week, nobody cares."

They were still wearing the scrubs.

"We look like a bunch of convicts. They'll arrest us."

House cocked his head. "Now that would be interesting."

This time they had fortunately access to a phone and so House called his team. Since they were not busy with a patient they could be the laundry delivery service.

"What do you mean, you won't do it?", House asked Foreman after he told his request.

"Cuddy told us to stay out of your game", Foreman explained.

"I'm your boss and you refused to do your job last night. You better play along for a while", House threat him.

"Cuddy is also my boss and yours as well so that's scarier. Sorry, House."

Foreman hung up and so House handed Wilson the phone.

"Call your oncology colleagues. There should be someone who can help us."

Wilson got disappointed as well. Obviously Cuddy distributed a memo amongst her employees.

"This is ridiculous. We go upstairs get some pants and then we go home", House finally decided.

And so they got chained to each other again. They went upstairs, changed their trousers in Wilson's office and left the building at half past twelve.

An hour later they were both snoring in House's bed and spent a rather unspectacular afternoon.

* * *

When they woke up around 7 pm they were both starving. House's answering machine told them they had five new messages. It was a good thing House had put it on mute before they collapsed on his bed.

House pressed the play button.

"You two are idiots. You know I have you following around by Lucas so of course he informs me whenever you leave the hospital during work hours. Get your asses back here immediately. House has his clinic duty at 3 pm", Cuddy grumped.

The next message came from Taub.

"House, this is Taub. You really should come back. Cuddy is very angry. Please come back in here. See you."

Then Cuddy tried once more.

"Wilson, I'm so disappointed. I just hope he blackmailed you somehow or forced you with a gun to leave work like this. Get him back here immediately!"

House pressed the stop button and deleted all the messages. "It's definitely that time of the month for her", he mumbled.

"We are in trouble", Wilson stated. "She's gonna kill us."

"Forget it. I need something to eat."

* * *

They entered the kitchen and opened the fridge only to find out that Cuddy did a little bit more than calling them during the afternoon. The fridge was empty. So was the rest of his food section.

"Did I miss the part of the bet that said she has the right to annoy us constantly?", House wondered.

"That's actually theft. You should call the police", Wilson joked.

"I'm hungry. Chinese or Italian?"

"I don't care, just hurry up."

House looked around and searched for his wallet. "I don't know how much money I have left."

"Why do you care? You don't pay anyway. I think I got a fifty. Where is my wallet?"

They searched their pants, Wilson's briefcase and House's knapsack. They couldn't find them.

"Maybe in the car", Wilson eventually suggested.

House shook his head.

"She's starving us", he explained.

"What?"

"Cuddy. She took our food and our wallets. No credit card, no money, ergo no food."

"Well, it's a good thing every sane person has some hidden money in their place, right?"

House chuckled. "In my place you won't find anything but pills. I don't hide money, why should I? I have you."

Wilson groaned. "Great, House. Now what?"

"Do you have money at your place?", House asked him.

"Sure. Let me get my keys."

But they were gone as well. So no food, no money and no car.

* * *

They sat down on the couch. House rubbed his forehead.

"She's mean", Wilson spoke out.

"She's clever", House added. Wilson looked at him and smiled.

"Oh House, you are in trouble. You are in love."

House sighed and took a deep breath. "She leaves us here hungry and without money. That is mean. I just stated the obvious."

"No. You like that she plays those games with us. And you like the fact that she can actually win against you. You respect her."

"Oh my God", House groaned. He got up. "Let's visit Cuddy. She owes us dinner."

"And how will we get there?"

"I have a motorbike."

Wilson shook his head. "Never!!!!!! Forget it, House!"

Two minutes later the two doctors stood in the pavement and looked at House's bike.

"This is not working, House!", Wilson repeated for the 10th time.

"Joykill. There must be a way."

"No, there is not because I won't do this in 100000 years. Where is your car?"

House pursed his lips. "Inspection. I don't get it until Friday."

Wilson shook his head. "This is ridiculous!"

He stepped forward and waved over a cap that was passing in that moment.

"You found some money?", House wondered.

"Cuddy will pay for this!", Wilson told him annoyed and opened the back door.

The driver looked confused.

"What's the matter with you guys?", he asked them.

"Nothing. We are hungry!", House snapped and got in. Wilson followed him.

"What's with the handcuffs?"

"It's the latest rage in Paris. Believe me, everyone is doing it now", House told him.

The driver shook his head. "Do you have money?"

"Sure!", House yelled and brought out his empty wallet. It was good enough to convince the driver and so they drove over to Cuddy's place.

They were lucky. Their boss was already at home.

* * *

House knocked on the door with his cane for less than two seconds before the door opened up.

"Shhh!", Cuddy hissed at them immediately. "Rachel just fell asleep."

"Oh I'm so sorry, Dr. Cuddy!", House shouted when he walked past her into the house making it hard for Wilson to follow.

"House, shut up", Cuddy whispered but the diagnostician didn't listen to her.

"Mhh, let's find the kitchen, Wilson", he went on and now even Wilson tried to calm him down.

"Ok, you had your fun, House."

"You will take care for her if she wakes up", Cuddy threatened him.

"You sure you want this?", House wondered and his boss thought it over.

"What do you guys want?", she asked annoyed.

"Well, let's see. How about our money, his keys and our food?"

Cuddy grinned. "Oh, sorry to hear this. Did you guys get robbed while you were asleep during work hours? I called you four times."

"Thank God we put the phone down", House snapped sarcastically and entered the kitchen.

Suddenly the door bell rang again. Cuddy groaned and opened up. It was the taxi driver.

"Somebody owes me 18 dollars", he said angrily.

"That would be the young lady", House yelled from the kitchen.

Cuddy glared at him but got her purse and paid the man.

In the meantime the boys inspected the fridge and even for the oncologist the contents were too healthy.

"I think we settle with money", Wilson suggested and earned a nod from his colleague.

"Oh yeah", he turned around. "Cuddy, give us our money or I'll make sure your kid stays awake the entire night."

She would probably not scream the entire night but right that moment Rachel woke up and started crying.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Well done, House! Now go and clear that one out."

"You really want me to take care for your baby? Do you even know me?"

"Wilson will be there as well. Now go!"

House sneered. "I will certainly not look after your child. Not after everything you did to us. Good night, Cuddy!"

They walked towards the door.

"That homeless shelter on Libertystreet called us today and requested two doctors for a health check of their inhabitants. And just now I made up my mind who I'll send there."

Wilson turned around.

"Nursery is upstairs on the left side, right?", he asked her.

"Just where the crying comes from. You can't miss it", she smirked.

She watched them walking upstairs. "You are such a sissy, sometimes", House complained and shook his head. "Nursing that little spawn instead of dinner. Great!"

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for your nice reviews! :-)**

**Has it really been only 10 days since the season finale? It's gonna take forever until September... :-(**

* * *

Just to make sure her kid was save Cuddy followed them and watched them through the half closed door. While Wilson took the baby out of its bed and tried to appease it House rolled his eyes to announce his annoyance about the crying.

Two minutes later Wilson was still busy calming Rachel down. Cuddy was about to interfere when suddenly House took over.

"You are doing it all wrong!", he grumped and took the baby carefully in his arms.

Wilson and Cuddy both watched amazed and surprised when the diagnostician mumbled softly and calmly to the bundle in his arms. Slowly the crying changed into a whining sound.

"Maybe we have to change her diaper", Wilson suggested.

"Shh!", House told him and shook his head. "She's fine."

He turned back to the little kid and while he carefully rocked her back to sleep he sang her a lullaby.

This was the moment when Wilson and Cuddy both were sure they were dreaming. They had never seen House this pleased and caring. Five minutes later Rachel was back asleep and House laid her down carefully into her bed.

He gave Wilson a nod and they left the room. Cuddy awaited them already.

* * *

"That was so sweet, House", she told him and smiled.

"That was necessary and nothing else!", he snapped and turned to Wilson. "Now let's find some dinner please!"

Cuddy finally showed some mercy and ordered dinner for the three of them.

Half an hour later they were gathered around Cuddy's table and enjoyed their hard deserved meal. Cuddy enjoyed it more than the guys since eating with chopsticks was even harder than eating with cutlery in the wrong hand. House and Wilson finally gave it up and got a spoon each.

"I'm really surprised you are still both alive. I thought you would kill each other after one day."

House shook his head. "You won't see me dragging his dead ass around all week long. I'll wait until I got my freedom back."

"Well at least you can keep the handcuffs in that case. Your freedom won't last long."

Wilson joined them. "Don't worry about him. I'll be the first one to pull the trigger, don't worry."

Cuddy looked amazed. "I always wondered how you can stick up with him voluntarily but seriously how can you be with him 24 hours a day? He drives me nuts after two minutes in my office."

Wilson grinned at House. "See? I told you so."

"He told you what?", Cuddy wanted to know.

"Nothing. Shut up, Wilson", House grumped and opened another food container.

"No, I want to hear this", Cuddy insisted.

House sighed. "Wilson took another trip to Fantasy Land this week. Don't listen to his drivel."

"Oh no!", Wilson objected, "House is a coward and not ready to face reality!"

House laid down his spoon.

"We need to go! It's late", he said and got up.

Wilson looked at Cuddy and shrugged. "See? Quod erat demonstandum! Thanks for dinner, Lisa."

He joined his friend and they left the house.

* * *

"Are you out of your mind?", House yelled as soon as they had closed the door behind them.

"What? You think you are only allowed to screw with me?", the oncologist smirked.

"This is beyond funny. I don't want anything from her. This is just your crazy fantasy and your obsession with saving the entire world."

"Yes, sure. She's just your boss", Wilson said sarcastically.

"Oh cut it off, Wilson", House shouted and shot him a glare. This was so pissing him off.

Wilson had left the discussion anyway. He looked around confused.

"How do we get home?"

It was a good and appropriated question. They had Wilson's keys but the car was still at House's place. And they had their money back but caps were not often seen in this quiet neighborhood. Especially not at half past eleven in the evening.

"We could ask her to call a cap for us", Wilson suggested and pointed at Cuddy's house.

"That won't be necessary", House smirked and pointed at Cuddy's car in the driveway.

Apparently House had planned this from the beginning.

"Quit pro quo!", he announced and brought out Cuddy's keys.

Wilson smiled. Usually he would have objected but Cuddy deserved a little revenge.

It would have been too easy, just to take the car for the ride back home. Instead House and Wilson put up a nice little paper chase for the next day. Luckily the dean of medicine had a good sleep that night because she didn't find out about her missing car until in the morning.

* * *

Thursday, 7.30 am, Day 4

It was Wilson's annoying cell phone alarm clock that woke them up again. Somehow this turned into a daily routine slowly. The alarm went off, waking up Wilson first and House about two minutes later. House would curse the damn thing and swear about it before even opening his eyes. They would collect some clothes, put on some jeans and head to the hospital to get their beloved shower and their five minutes of freedom.

At the end of the week they would have to collect much dirty laundry from the hospital. Actually, every day they used a fresh t-shirt for the night since their used ones got lost in action somewhere in the hospital.

Right when they were about to leave they ran into Cuddy in front of the house.

"Where is my car?", she yelled when she approached them.

House shrugged. "I have no idea. Princeton is not what it used to be these days. All those criminals, it's a shame!"

"Give me my keys and my car!", she ordered them.

"Oh but that wouldn't be any fun", Wilson smirked.

Cuddy glared at him. "You too, Brutus? Hanging around with House is not good for you."

Wilson raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm sorry, Lisa. But you can't blame anyone but yourself for this."

Cuddy took a deep breath. "I have no time for this. Just give it back. You had enough fun with this."

* * *

Instead of her keys she only got a sheet of paper from House.

"Here you go. It'll help you find it."

Cuddy unfolded it and found something like a map.

"Let me guess, an x marks the spot?", she asked annoyed.

Both of them nodded.

"If you'll excuse us now, we have a shower waiting for us", Wilson explained.

House grimaced at that comment. "Stop sounding that gay!", he whined while they walked towards the silver Volvo.

"I could call the police and charge you with car theft", Cuddy yelled after them.

"Sure, you could. Or you could stop being such a bitch and enjoy our little game for once", House suggested while Wilson climbed into the car.

Cuddy looked at the map again. That was ridiculous. Fortunately she did not have to play along. She would send Lucas instead. She couldn't know that House and Wilson had taken care of him as well.

* * *

_8 hours earlier_

_Of course House and Wilson knew that Lucas followed their every move when they borrowed Cuddy's car. They also recognized the car that followed them inconspicuously. When they arrived at House's place they walked over to the other side of the street._

_House knocked on the window and smiled at the PI._

"_Hi guys. Fancy meeting you here", he greeted them._

"_Save it. We just came to offer you a deal. We need a private inspector and we need him now."_

_Lucas smiled. "Sorry, that's a conflict of interests I guess."_

"_That's really sad. We hired another one but all he could come up with is this."_

_He handed the man inside the car an envelope. Lucas opened it and he nearly freaked when he saw the contents._

"_Everyone has secrets. Even the people whose job is to find them", Wilson smirked._

"_What do you want?", Lucas asked and showed his surrender._

_Wilson and House threw each other a satisfied look. _

"_Well, it includes this car and that list of instructions. Talk to Cuddy about it and this will end up at the right person."_

_House handed over a sheet of paper and Cuddy's car keys. Then the two doctors went inside._

_Cuddy had a good time after her two employees had left. She couldn't get the picture of House and Rachel out of her head. He had been so nice and caring just for a moment but it was there. Maybe it had been just the sound of his voice that had appeased the little girl but Cuddy didn't care. There was this nice part in House and she fell asleep that night with the thought in her head that probably it was worth exploring House's character to find more of it._

_The feeling last exactly until she walked out of her house in the morning. She didn't even think for a minute that her car had been stolen. She knew immediately where to look for it. There it was, the bad side of House. And she knew it was definitely worth kicking his butt for that newest stunt. So she called a cab and drove over to his place. _

_

* * *

_In the hospital Wilson and House entered the doctor's locker room.

"Could you please shave for once? This turns into a real beard, so please?'", Wilson asked.

"I told you I was allergic to razor blades. Sorry."

"This is ridiculous. I haven't seen you unshaved in 5 years and still you have to trim your stubble every now and then. This isn't a styling thing you are just lazy. So if you shaved your face clean you could go without another one much longer."

House starred at him for a while before answering.

"When do you have all the time to come up with this shit?", he wondered. They got uncuffed and Wilson undressed himself.

"What's wrong? Hurry up. We have a clock ticking here", he told House but the diagnostician didn't move.

"No thank you, I'm not in the mood today", he announced.

Wilson threw him a confused look. "What do you mean? We had a long day yesterday and actually you don't smell like roses right now."

House grinned. "Exactly. Only three more days and you haven't given up, yet."

Wilson was upset. "No, House. That's very childish and totally unappropriated. I have patients to see."

House shrugged. "You are wasting time here", he said and cuffed his friend's hand back to his own.

"Now go have fun."

Wilson showered and their hands rested on the edge again but this time House stood in front of the shower cabin. He checked his right armpit with his nose. Yep, that plan would work and he hoped it was true what they said about not recognizing your own odor.

Ten minutes later they were both dressed and ready. Wilson wore some fresh and ironed clothes, House wore yesterday's again. He would never admit it but he felt rather uncomfortable.

* * *

"So what are we going to do today?", House asked him.

Wilson wanted to inform him about his schedule when Cuddy came in. Without another word she walked over grabbed Wilson's right hand and chained it to her own left hand.

"What the hell?", Wilson asked but didn't come any further.

"If I go on that lunatic paper chase you guys will come along", she ordered them in a very upset tone.

House shrugged. "Fine, sounds like fun."

But Wilson had a different opinion. "No! First of all I want at least one hand for myself and second, I have patients waiting for me."

"Well, I guess you have two choices then. Tell me where my car is or find a replacement. You skip work half the time anyway."

"That's not true. I haven't seen a single case file this week, thanks to him. It'll take me forever to catch up."

House shook his head. "Oh don't worry. Just let them lie around until one of your employees starts working them over. But back to Cuddy here. She would never invite us to join her. She doesn't even know what to expect so why taking the risk of having us witnessing her embarrassing herself? You really thought it would work, didn't you, Cuddy? That he would rather tell you immediately. Well, sorry, now you have to drag us along."

Cuddy nodded. "Well, then come along."

But she knew he was right. With House and Wilson working together this would become the most embarrassing day in her life.

* * *

But logistics with three people chained together is even harder than with two. They decided it would be easier to go with a cab.

How big were the chances that they caught the same cabbie as the day before? Whatever the odds, it was him.

"Seriously people, what is it with you?", he asked them and rolled his eyes.

House smirked. "I told you we are setting a trend here. It already is spreading around."

"Whatever. But show me the content of your wallet now!"

Satisfied he started the car half a minute later.

Cuddy brought out the map or whatever it was supposed to mean.

"Where do we have to go?", she asked.

"Hey, we are just the hostages here. No help included", House told her.

Cuddy rolled her eyes but concentrated on the sheet of paper again.

"Well, street names would come in handy but "House's biggest pleasure" is definitely helpful. If only I knew which of the brothels/sex shops you are referring to here."

House closed his eyes and smirked. "Oh, there are so many to choose from. Feels like heaven."

"Oh God", Cuddy groaned disgusted. "And what is this something you draw here? Is this some sort of animal? How am I supposed to read this stupid map if you can't even draw? After all those years you've been scrabbling on that white board."

"It's not an animal", House snapped. "Sorry, differential diagnosis doesn't include artwork very often."

"But this thingy will give me a hint for some nasty place?", she wondered.

Wilson gave her an encouraging nod.

"Why is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about my biggest pleasure a nightclub/brothel?"

Cuddy glared at him. "Yeah, how could that happen?"

House shrugged. "It won't help you anyway."

"You mean this has nothing to do with hookers or something?"

"You guys want me to drive all the way to Trenton before you make up your minds?", the driver interrupted them.

"It's a piano!", Wilson finally told her and received an annoyed look from House.

"What? I got work to do", he apologized to his buddy.

"The Jazz Club on Franklin Street!", Cuddy announced and was happy about her idea.

House nodded and told the driver to go there.

Cuddy chuckled. "Well, seriously House. That's not your biggest pleasure!"

THe diagnostician raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm not the one who keeps two pairs of handcuffs in his desk."

Five minutes later they arrived at their destination. After they had climbed out of the car, Cuddy looked around. "So, where is my car?"

House and Wilson both laughed. "You think that's it? So far you haven't even the keys."

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks again, guys!**

* * *

The three of them stood in front of that nightclub and Cuddy had rolled her eyes so often during the last hour that she was afraid they might pop out pretty soon.

"So what now? Where can I get my keys?"

House pointed at the building. "Someone in there might know the answer."

"That is ridiculous! It's 8 am, nobody is there anyway."

House just shrugged.

"It's not my car. So then let's go back to the hospital."

Suddenly the door behind them opened. A man came out carrying some trash bags. He walked around the corner into the ally and threw them in a huge garbage can.

"Seems you are lucky. That's Frank, the janitor", House explained.

Frank obviously recognized House as well and threw him a nod.

"So you have to chain a woman to your hand nowadays to get a date?", he smirked and looked at Wilson. "But what's with him?"

"Well, you know me. I am that nasty", House grinned.

"Excuse me!", Cuddy interrupted them. "Do you have any idea where my car keys are or even better my car?", she asked him and felt ridiculous.

Again Frank grinned. "Late night last night? Always the same with drunk people but at least you remembered where to look for your keys."

"No, actually I wasn't….", Cuddy accepted the idea of this guy thinking she had a huge hangover and lost her keys in action the night before instead of telling him the truth.

"I might be able to organize them", Frank smiled now and brought out her keys from his pocket, "but what's in there for me?"

Cuddy glared at him. "What do you mean? These are my keys so give them back."

"Oh come, nice lady. How about a drink tonight? No keys necessary, I'll drive you home."

House's mood changed immediately. He shot Frank a death glare but the janitor had only eyes for Cuddy.

"How about a nice kick in the crotch if you don't hand them over at once? And don't worry, no ambulance necessary, these guys here are doctors."

House smirked while Wilson still tried to figure out what was going on here.

Frank got the message and gave her the keys. "Sorry. You are really everything he ever told me about you", he pointed at House. House rolled his eyes. "Good bye, Frank", the diagnostician said angrily and the janitor got that message as well. "See you around, guys", he said and vanished inside.

"What was that all about? What did you tell him about me?", Cuddy wondered.

"You should have asked him for the next step. He knows where you can find your car", House deflected.

* * *

Cuddy shook her head and got the keys for the handcuffs that chained her to Wilson.

"Oh don't worry. I can take care of this myself."

She released her own hand and chained the boys to the stair-rail leading down the few steps to the entrance of the nightclub.

"Hey!", Wilson protested but he couldn't react quickly enough.

"I'll be back in let's say two hours. Maybe you want to tell me about my car then. Have a good time."

She turned around and walked away. In that moment thunder interfered the silence and she looked back at them.

"Oh dear, I think it might rain pretty soon!", she grinned and left them.

Wilson starred at his buddy. "Well done, House!"

The diagnostician chuckled. "She is soo mean!", he just smirked and shook his head.

It thundered again and Wilson observed the grey sky skeptically.

"Call her and tell her where she can find her car", Wilson ordered him.

"What's the matter with you? Relax!", House told him and sat down on the stairs.

"Relax? You want me to relax? I'm linked to a stupid stair-rail and you, and I have to tell you right now I prefer the stair-rail. Get me out of this!"

House raised his eyebrows. "Just say the magic words and you are out of here!"

"Did you plan this to make me give up?", the oncologist wondered.

House rolled his eyes. "Sure, I made Cuddy steal our food and money so we have to take a cab over to her place so I can steal her car just to make sure we sent her on this chase because I knew she would drag us along and chain us to something. Please don't handle any heavy machinery today!"

"I just thought…", Wilson got cut off.

"Yeah, that was your first mistake", House mumbled while he searched his pockets for the key.

"Relax, we'll be out of here in a minute. Same handcuffs, same keys."

It took them longer than just a minute since House couldn't find the key.

"You got them?", he finally asked Wilson. The oncologist started searching his own pockets as well but shook his head eventually.

"You lost them?", he asked House.

"That bitch!", House mumbled. Cuddy had sneaked the key from his pocket earlier. He was sure about this since he was missing his cell phone as well.

* * *

There they were sitting on the stairs of a nightclub in a part of Princeton that was fun at night but not very attractive during the day. And the only thing they could wait for was Cuddy coming back in 1 hour and 56 minutes. Damn! She was mean!

Oh and then the rain started.

14 minutes later they were both bored. Bored with each other, bored with the situation definitely bored with the rain and bored with the silence that had built up between them.

"Can I please have my left hand?", Wilson asked him. His right hand was resting on the stair-rail since he couldn't get it away from there anyway but House rested his head on his right hand which forced the oncologist to rest his left hand on House's thigh which was freaky enough.

"Sorry", House mumbled and switched and switched hands.

Wilson realized the lack of snappy comments.

"What's up?", he asked him.

House sighed. "Nothing."

"Oh come, let's talk about it."

"Oh God, my worst dream comes true. You start a lecture and I can't run away."

"No, I was just asking whether you have a problem."

"Yes, actually I do have a problem", House yelled. "It's this fucking rain, the really annoying company on this stairs and my butt is freezing from sitting here on that damn concrete let alone my leg. So yes, I have a problem! And the last thing I need now is you analyzing me!"

They were silent for a while again until Wilson couldn't hold it back any longer.

"It's funny you know. You blame everyone and everything for this except the person that is responsible, Cuddy."

House had closed his eyes and didn't show any reaction at all.

But he startled when they heard a voice behind them half a minute later.

* * *

"What is going on here?", a deep voice asked them.

They both turned their heads and knew they were in trouble. Two cops were standing behind them. That would need some explanation.

House couldn't do anything but sneer while Wilson buried his face in his left hand.

"So gentlemen, is there any reason you are sitting here in the rain?", one of the cops asked them now.

"We would have gone inside but we didn't want to leave his hand behind", House told them.

"Yeah, that would be my next question. Who did this to you?"

"That's a long story", Wilson admitted.

The cop brought out the key for his handcuffs. "Then we better listen to it back at the police station."

He uncuffed Wilson from the stair-rail and grabbed for his other hand.

But House pulled it away. "No, please don't unlock them."

The officer glared at him. "Sir, you shouldn't interfere with my business."

"You don't understand. This is a life and death matter. We need to stay connected."

The other cop stepped closer. "Sir, you don't want to screw with us!"

Wilson sighed. "Just let them do this, House!"

"You think I will clean her apartment because these cops get their noses into our business? We better go now."

But the cop placed his hand on House's chest to prevent him from walking away.

"Ok, that's enough! You are both under arrest. You better play along now or you're charged with resisting arrest."

His colleague smirked. "Tell you what, guys. At least we won't separate you now."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Oh thank God. All we had to do to stay in the game was getting arrested. Thank you so much, House! It's only the second time in one year you get us into this."

They kept on arguing on their way to the police car. The two cops shook their head and threw each other an amused view.

* * *

Cuddy sat behind her desk and tried to concentrate on her work. But that was impossible since she couldn't get her mind of her two friends sitting there in front of the nightclub.

She looked out of the window. It was raining like hell and she felt pity. Only for Wilson of course. That's what she told herself anyway. Every five seconds she glanced at her cell phone and finally she couldn't sit there any longer. She called a taxi, got her purse and umbrella and left her office.

But when she arrived at the Jazz Club 20 minutes later House and Wilson were gone.

She brought out the two keys for the handcuffs. She had been so proud of herself when she had been able to sneak it from House. Just to be on the safe side she checked the floor for blood. But apparently Wilson still had both hands. How the hell did they manage to do this?

Wilson in fact still had two hands and one of them was still used to keep him close to House. It was like a déjà vu but in contrast to the police station they had stayed last year the Princeton Police department offered a nice cell with a view for the two of them.

House rested his head against the wall. He had his eyes closed and whistled every now and then.

Wilson was really upset and if they had not been in an area surrounded by cops he would have probably used the opportunity to kill House.

They were still both wet and freezing.

Finally the two cops approached the cell.

"Hey guys. Let's get this cleared out now", one of them started and held out their IDs.

"I just checked you out and I have a question. Are you two really department heads over in the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital?"

"Yes.", Wilson answered in an unsecure voice.

The officer turned to his colleague. "If I get ever shot get me over to Princeton General please."

"So, why the handcuffs?", the other one asked them.

House opened his eyes and looked at their guests. He felt like in the zoo and was annoyed but he also realized it would be easier to tell them whatever they wanted to know so he played along. Also he couldn't need another charge on his record.

"It's a bet. All that lifesaving can get boring for us doctors sometimes so we agreed on hanging around together for a week to prove our lady boss wrong."

"How long have you guys been like this?", the other one wanted to know.

"It's our forth day", Wilson told him.

"Look officer. I haven't read the constitution lately but I doubt it, it is a crime to be chained to another person. Maybe you should get back on the streets and find some real criminals", House explained now.

"Well it's not really a crime, Sir. But still it is our duty to support public policy. And two adult doctors chained to a stair-rail and to each other is something that draws our attention."

"So did you also have a bet about who can go longer without catching a cold in that rain?", his colleague asked them now.

House chuckled. "No, that was our boss."

"Why would she do that?"

House hesitated for a moment.

"Because we stole her car."

Wilson shot him a glare that screamed "IDIOT!!!!"

The two cops exchanged looks and sighed.

"Well, then we better call her", the officer decided and together with his colleague he left to inform the dean of medicine about the arrest of two of her department heads.

* * *

Cuddy stood in front of the nightclub thinking about her next move when her cell phone rang. She expected House proudly telling her about their escape and informing her about his next step that would probably be drowning her car in the river to come clean.

It wasn't House though.

"Dr. Lisa Cuddy?", asked the male voice.

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Princeton Police department. We got two of your employees here in custody. Could you come down please and answer a few questions."

Cuddy was shocked and slightly afraid. "Ahm, sure. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

She hung up the phone and cursed the day they came up with that stupid bet.

Half an hour later she stood in front of that cell together with those two cops.

"So these are your doctors?", the cop asked her.

"Yes, my head of oncologist and my head of diagnostics", she said and everyone could hear the shame in her voice.

"We could already figure out the reason for their connection but why did you chain them on that stair-rail like dogs?"

Cuddy glared at their two doctors. Actually she kind of liked them in that cell. Served them right. Especially House. That's what she told herself anyway.

"Oh you forgot to tell that part, didn't you?", she snapped. She turned to the cops.

"They stole my car", she explained.

"That much we already know. Why didn't you call the police."

"We didn't steal your car, Lisa!", Wilson interfered.

"Hey, you had your chance. Now let the lady speak!", the officer shushed him down.

"Yeah, Wilson, let the lady speak. The moment she walked that nice ass in here we had lost anyway", House mumbled. The cops didn't like this statement.

"Are you suggesting that we are biased here due to her appearance?", they asked him.

House rolled his eyes. Damn cops.

"No. What I am suggesting here is that this is a complete waste of time and a huge pile of bullshit! We would all be better off if you had ignored us in the first place!"

"Shut up, House!"

But it was too late. "For that you just bought a 24 hour stay in our nice facility here!"

Cuddy shook her head. "You are such an ass, House!"

"You can't just do that!", House protested.

"Yes, we can. You've shown a huge lack of respect for the authorities from the beginning. Take this time to think about it."

"Now, go on, Dr. Cuddy. They stole your car."

"Well, actually they borrowed it without asking. But when I wanted to pick it up this morning they had hidden it someplace. So in order to tell me where it is I hooked them to that stair-rail. I'm sorry."

"Where is her car?", one of the cops asked them annoyed. They were tired of this game.

House shook his head. "Not before I get out of here."

"Sir, this is not a negotiation. You will stay here and you will tell us right now. Otherwise I will charge you with car theft. She said it herself. You took it without permission."

"Just tell her!", Wilson insisted. The oncologist didn't know where House had ordered Lucas to park the car.

"It's in your garage by now. Save and dry", he finally told them.

"Thank you", Cuddy said and smiled. "Can I go now?"

The cop nodded. "Just make sure in future your strange games don't turn into indecent behavior please!"

Cuddy grinned and waved her boys good-bye. "See you tomorrow. And you will both make up the time you miss today!"

* * *

The cop addressed Wilson. "So what about you? Actually you are free to go now but if you insist on staying chained to him…"

Wilson sighed. "Sir, he really didn't mean it. Can't you just let him go as well, please?"

He punched House in the side with his elbow. "Tell them you are sorry!", he mumbled.

"I'm sorry", House said but it was a poor try. With the grin on his face and the sarcastic tone in his voice nobody would have ever believed him.

"Sorry, Dr. Wilson. You are even in or out. Make up your decision."

Wilson couldn't believe himself when he heard the following words coming from his mouth.

"I'll stay. But can I make a phone call, please?"

"That better be a shrink!", the cop smirked and opened the cell.

Wilson used his phone call to inform his department that he was taking a day off and made sure his patients were taken care for.

"You want to call someone? Ops, I forgot, all your friends are here!", Wilson snapped at House but the diagnostician grabbed the phone anyway. Not to inform someone about his whereabouts but to order himself lunch from his favorite pizza place.

Wilson didn't believe his ears. "You can't do that!", he yelled but it was too late.

He could and he would. He just didn't expect the lunch to actually arrive in his cell. Surprisingly it did.

The cops didn't like his lack of respect but they did have a sense of humor and so House could start making good with Wilson by sharing his pizza with him.

At half past eight in the evening the cop showed some heart and let them go home.

"One of you is guilty the other one is innocent so we decided half the sentence would make it. Get out of here and don't show ever up again."

"Thank you", Wilson said while House just snorted.

They got their stuff and went home.

"And you are definitely taking a shower now!", Wilson ordered him angrily. They both still smelled like wet dogs.

* * *

House didn't mind. He knew that smelling strategy wouldn't work out anyway. Wilson had just spent the day with him in jail in order to win the bet. He wouldn't freak out just because House smelled. But House would be House and so he offered Wilson the five minutes to take a shower in private only to tell him afterwards that he wanted to take a bath since his leg would hurt too much. So while House was relaxing in the tub covered in a good load of foam Wilson sat next to it on the cold floor. But he didn't mind. It was the first time this week he had time to look at his files. And his right hand writing definitely improved slowly.

Just about when Wilson was to check up on House who had not moved in quite some time House reached for his Vicodin bottle and swallowed a pill.

"You do know that you are taking way too much pills?", Wilson told him. It was more of a statement than a question.

House took a deep breath. Here comes the drug talk.

"Tell that to my leg. It hurts way too much!", he snapped.

Wilson looked up from his file. "You could try something else for a change."

House rolled his eyes. "Why do you always have to start with this? I don't tell you to stop marrying people although it's obviously not good for you!"

"My marriages don't kill me slowly. Seriously House, you do know that you can't go on with Vicodin forever, don't you?"

House looked at his friend for a moment before his view gazed over to his right thigh. Slowly his leg vanished under the huge layer of foam.

"Tell you what, when I finally realize it you'll be the first one I tell and then you can help me, alright?"

Wilson was surprised. This was not the way it usually works. Only mentioning his drug abuse usually made the diagnostician explode this time however he stayed calm. But Wilson didn't want to push it any further so he let go of it.

* * *

15 minutes later House decided that he was done and Wilson was glad that he could change the cold floor in the bathroom with the couch in the living room. Wilson closed his files and looked at House for a while. The diagnostician was concentrating on the TV. It took him a while to recognize his starring buddy.

"What are you looking at?", he asked him eventually.

"You are not going to apologize, are you?", the oncologist wanted to know.

"What?"

"You got me into trouble today. Again! It's always the same with you. You can't keep your mouth shut and I have to pay the bill in the end."

House cocked his head and grimaced. "You got your period or what? Why so bitchy today?"

"Maybe I'm pissed off because we spent the entire day in that shithole."

"It wasn't my fault. These stupid cops had nothing better to do than….", Wilson cut him off.

"Oh sure, blame it on them. Same story like last time. Those bad cops who did their job, the other bad cop who got that special rectal thermometer reading from you. It's always them and never you. And still I'm the idiot in the end."

House shrugged. "Given the fact that we are still friends, maybe you are an idiot."

First Wilson was speechless. But after a moment he chuckled and shook his head in disbelieve.

"I have to be in the hospital early tomorrow. Let's go to bed", he finally suggested and for once House obeyed and switched the TV off. While the oncologist fell asleep within minutes, House lay awake for a while. He had gone too far, he knew it. Out of the two of them he was the idiot. One day Wilson would walk out his life and not return like the last time. One day he would finally finish the job and push it too far and for not appreciating this friendship, for not showing Wilson more often that he mattered to him House was the biggest idiot of all.

Damn, he felt guilty. And why couldn't he stop thinking about Cuddy lately? Why wasn't he annoyed but rather amused by her sudden talent of screwing with him? Every other time he would have cursed the woman and sworn revenge after she had chained him to that damn stair-rail but this week she could do whatever she wanted to him, he only felt impressed. He didn't need to run a ddx about that one. Even without the white board he could add up the symptoms and find a diagnosis.

He was in love and was freaked out about it completely. He was so the wrong person to be in love. And especially not while he was cursed with Wilson at his side. The oncologist had developed a certain talent of reading him like an open book.

Finally he fell asleep with the thought on his mind that losing that bet would maybe not be the worst thing that could happen to him that week.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Friday, Day 5

The next morning Wilson didn't speak to him. From the moment they woke up until they had finished their breakfast in the cafeteria not a single word came from the oncologist.

They skipped the shower that morning and got dressed at home. House even offered to get his left hand cuffed this time but Wilson still refused to talk to him.

"Why don't you just tell me what you expect me to do so we can end this kindergarten shit right now?", House finally asked him. Wilson shrugged. "Nothing."

"Then why won't you talk to me?", House went on

Wilson furrowed his brows.

"Because it's not worth it", he mumbled and got up to bust his trey.

But House shook his head. "No. I won't stay in the game like this."

"You think making me lose that bet to Cuddy will improve my mood?"

House thought about it for a moment.

"Come on, I have to go", the oncologist urged him.

"You want me to end this? I go and tell Cuddy I gave up. I go ask her out for a date and you have your freedom back."

Wilson shook his head. "I'd still have to clean her house."

House cocked his head and looked at him with squinty eyes. "And you also couldn't punish me with your ignorance and your monosyllabic answers, could you?"

"So you are in or out?", Wilson asked him annoyed.

House finally nodded. "I think I deserve it", he mumbled and got up as well.

* * *

Wilson stayed hard this time. He chased his buddy around oncology to check on all his patients. They did two hours of clinic duty and spent the afternoon in Wilson's office catching up on their paperwork. Even House brought some files along this time. He couldn't find anything else to do anyway. He didn't even a patient. But Wilson didn't say a single word to him and after he had tried to force him into talking for three hours House gave it up.

After two hours in his office suddenly Wilson's pager went off. The oncologist looked at it.

"Crap!", he mumbled.

"What is it?", House wondered.

"Michael, the 12 year old is dying. I have to be there."

House nodded and followed him into the elevator.

Wilson hurried through the oncology ward and House had trouble following him.

"I thought he was in that trial. You told me he was improving", House said.

"He was. But then he got pneumonia. His immune system is too weak to fight it off."

When they reached the room House held him back.

"Wait a second."

"House, I don't have time for this. And you better behave yourself or I'll use physical violence. I promise you I'll kick the shit out of you."

House didn't answer him. Instead he got the key from his pocket and unlocked the handcuffs. Wilson looked surprised. "What are you doing?"

"Maybe you can treat your patients one-handed. Holding hands with a dying kid though surprisingly works better with two hands."

"You are giving up in order to help this kid?"

"I'll be right here outside the room. Maybe Cuddy is decent enough to accept this. Go on. I'm not in the mood to watch a kid in agony. Too much crying."

For a moment Wilson smiled. He gave his friend a nod. Then he turned around and entered the room where a dying kid and his crying mother were waiting for him. House watched them for a moment before he asked a passing nurse to get him a chair.

"I'm sure there's one in your office", she snapped and walked on.

House rolled his eyes but he had no choice. He had to stay there so he sat down on the floor and leaned against the glass wall of the room.

* * *

20 minutes later Cuddy came along. Lucas had told her where to look for her department head. When she saw House without Wilson she grinned.

"So where is Mr. Hyde?", she asked him.

"You mean Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde is the bad one. You wouldn't insult Wilson like that, would you?"

"Where is he?", she wondered.

But House didn't need to answer that one. Cuddy threw a look into the room and her grin vanished from her face immediately.

"I really don't know what he gets out of his specialty. I couldn't listen to those kids. Too annoying", House mumbled.

"You are not sitting out here because they annoy you, you are here because you care. Wilson is rubbing on you. We should make this a permanent state."

"I am sitting here because I want Wilson to cook me dinner for a month. Speaking of which, tell me, are we still in the game? If not I have better things to do as sitting here on the cold floor", House snapped.

"No, as long as you stay here it's ok with me. But don't leave!"

House looked up to her.

"Damn it, I wish that skirt was shorter", he smirked.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and turned around.

"Actually, it's really boring. I could use some company", he tried next.

"I'll go find the janitor for you", she smirked but sat down a moment later right next to him.

"So you made a bet with Wilson in the middle of our bet? Is this allowed?", she wondered.

"Cuddy, there are no universal rules about betting. We can do whatever we want as long as we don't interfere with the bet between you and us."

"And what's the bet between you and him?"

"I'll drive him nuts and make him give up", he explained.

"And what's in there for him?"

"I will pay for my own meals for a month", he lied to her.

* * *

Cuddy looked inside the patient's room.

"I thought this kid liked you. Maybe you should get in there", she suggested.

"I think he has enough company in there."

Cuddy watched House. With sad eyes he starred at the floor. He would never admit it but this got to him. This is the part of his beloved medicine that even he hated. There was no justice in this. He has had dying patients before and although he never made a difference between his files even he had to admit that a dying kid was amongst the worst.

And this was the part of House Cuddy liked best. Because it showed her that there was a heart. It showed his human side because he was caring after all. Unfortunately he showed this side not very often.

"Maybe Wilson could use a helping hand."

"He had my hand all week long. No, this is the part where he beats me every time, patient care."

"And everything that includes running", Cuddy mumbled.

"Thank you very much", he grumped.

"So how was your night in prison?"

"We got out last night", House told her.

"Because you finally admitted your misbehavior and apologized?"

House shook his head. "Not really, no."

Cuddy smirked. "Wilson got you out of there, right? Like always."

House exhaled deeply and noisily. Cuddy took that as a yes.

"Are you guys ok now?", she asked him after a silent moment.

House shrugged. "I don't know."

He pushed himself up and walked a few steps to stretch his leg.

"You need a chair", Cuddy pointed out.

House looked around. "They are out of reach."

"I could get it for you", she suggested.

He gave her a nod. "That would be very kind of you."

A few minutes later she came back. House's heart did a little jump when she brought along two chairs. She would stay a little longer there with him. While she was gone, House had thrown another look in Michael's room. So far Wilson seemed ok but House knew this would keep them busy the entire night.

He sat down next to Cuddy now.

"Did you finally find your car?", House asked her now.

"Yes, it was in my garage. Clever, probably the last place I would have looked. Where would that paper chase of yours have ended?"

House smiled. "You'll never know. You didn't play by the rules."

"I'm sorry about the rain. It must have been terrible."

"The rain was ok. Wilson was annoying."

Cuddy chuckled.

"You always say that. Why are you still friends if he's that bad?"

House focused on the floor again and pursed his lips. His cane tipped the floor a few times before he answered her.

"Because he's an idiot."

Cuddy looked skeptically. "I'm not sure what this means but it doesn't surprise me that you are in a fight."

* * *

Suddenly Foreman showed up.

"What are you doing here, House? We have a case."

Cuddy got up. "Well, then better go back to work, House."

"I can't!", he objected.

Cuddy smiled. "You've proven often enough that you can work anywhere!"

"I can't do my ddx here in the hallway", he said.

Cuddy shrugged. "Then I see you Saturday morning at 8am. You can start with my kitchen."

He glared at her. Starred in her eyes and didn't move his look at all while he addressed Foreman.

"Get the team down here now. Bring the file and everything we got on him."

Foreman looked confused.

"House, we should….", he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Just go!", House ordered him.

Now the diagnostician looked around. "Let me have that lounge over there", he pointed at the end of the hallway. "I don't want to blockage the floor with my team here."

Cuddy nodded. "It's a deal", she said and walked away.

House limped about 15 feet and collapsed on the black leather couch who was actually reserved for family members. There he waited for his team to show up. Every now and then he threw a view over to the patient's room. Wilson wouldn't show up for hours.

At half past nine House had been sitting on that couch for nearly six hours. His team was busy testing their patient and all the fluids they collected from him. House took his cane and walked over to the patient room and glanced inside.

The kid seemed to be asleep, at least he didn't feel much pain obviously. His mother was sitting in a chair next to him. She had her back turned towards him but he could still tell she looked really exhausted. Wilson sat on the other side of the bed. When he saw his buddy in front of the door he signed him to come in. House was not really in the mood for this but he entered the room.

Wilson stood up and stepped towards him.

"Do me a favor and get Ms. Reager some tea."

He turned around. "Are you hungry, Sophie?"

The woman shook her head weakly and turned around. She had redden eyes and sniffed.

"But tea would be great, thank you Dr. House."

He gave her a nod. "No problem", he mumbled and looked at his friend.

"What about you? You need something?"

"Some water would be great. Thanks. Are you still sitting out there?", he wondered.

House nodded. "But I have a new case that keeps me busy. Don't worry."

"Be assured, I don't worry about you", Wilson mumbled.

House nodded and left the room. He told one of the passing nurses to get the tea and some water before he returned to his team that was already awaiting him.

* * *

They told them about their latest results and waited for him to share his opinion with them.

"Is he stable now?", he asked them instead.

"Yes, he's a sleep", Foreman told him.

"Good. Then go home, all of you. Catch some sleep. We'll talk about it in the morning."

They exchanged some confused looks.

"Are you alright?", Thirteen wondered.

"Sure. We can't do any tests right now anyway and I like my doctors fresh and clean. Now go."

They did as he said and left the diagnostician alone behind on that couch.

The nurse at the counter watched him pacing the hallway for the next half hour. He had a busy mind right now. Part of it was working on the case, part of it was thinking about Cuddy and another part was guilt ridden about Wilson.

When he passed Michael's room for the 100th time he saw Wilson giving the mother a hug. She was covered in tears and wouldn't let go of the oncologist. The monitor was on stand-by now indicating that Wilson had shut it off after the boy had passed away.

House stood there and sighed. He was tired, hungry and in need for the men's room. But most of all he was frustrated. This is not why he became a doctor. And it was certainly not the reason why Wilson became a doctor. And still the oncologist dealt with this every day. While House wouldn't even meet his patients usually Wilson built up a personal relationship with all of them. Sometimes he knew them for years. He made himself vulnerable because every time one of them died he had not lost a case but a human being with a history.

Ten minutes later Wilson stepped out of the patient room and joined his buddy on the couch.

"She wants to be alone with him for a moment", the oncologist explained and stretched his limbs.

"How's your patient?"

"Stable so far. We'll keep on working in the morning."

Wilson nodded. "Good. I'm starving. Can we get something to eat?"

"Sure. So we are still in the game?"

"Hey, it's only two more days. I think we'll make it."

* * *

They were about to leave to find a midnight snack when House's pager started.

"Damn. My patient's heart just stopped", he told Wilson.

Wilson yawned. "Where is your team?"

"At home", House mumbled and got his cane. "I have to go there. Why don't you go home? Get some sleep?"

"I can't. Cuddy will find out."

House threw him a pitying look. "I'm sorry."

Wilson got up and joined his buddy on the way upstairs. When they arrived a bunch of nurses was busy trying to keep the patient alive.

"How long?", Wilson asked them while House got the paddles. The nurse who did the CPR stepped back from the patient.

"2 minutes max, we paged you immediately."

House shocked the young man but he stayed in V-Fib.

"Again!", House said and told everyone to step back. The third time was the charm in this case.

"He's back", Wilson announced after he checked the vitals. "But his O2 sets are down. You should intubate him."

House nodded. "Get me a tube", he told the nurse and took the laryngoscope. Half a minute later the patient was on a respirator.

House checked the meds his team had given the patient so far to exclude any side effects. He browsed through the file and made some notes.

"It's a new symptom", he finally mumbled and due to lack of his white board he noted it in his mind.

"Now let's go and find something to eat", he said to Wilson after he had given some instructions to the nurses.

* * *

They found an open McDonalds. Wilson hated that crap but at half past twelve he didn't really care what he got for dinner.

"So how do you feel about the kid?", House asked him after a while.

Wilson shrugged. "He's dead. He's done with the world and that damn cancer."

"Yes, but how do you feel?", House went on.

Wilson grimaced. "What is it House? Why the sudden interest in my feelings?"

"I just wonder. You and your neediness it's like me and my Vicodin. And you just got a huge dosage. Actually you should feel great right now."

Wilson sneered. "You are an ass, House."

"Probably. But still I don't get this."

"Of course you don't get this!", the tired oncologist yelled and made people turn their heads. "Because you'll never understand why people take care and are interested in other people not just to feed their ego but just to help someone."

"If I fed my ego in this job I would show up in my patients' room constantly to rub it into their faces that I'm the big, smart diagnostician around that place. I never do that. Any theories about that?"

"Obviously it's good enough for you to rub it into your colleagues' faces. Why would you care what a patient thinks about you? He's out of here after a week. But we are stuck with you until you finally break the line and Cuddy has to fire you. And you'll use that time to annoy us, that's for sure."

House cocked his head.

"Maybe you really are an idiot, Wilson. Seriously, why are you still here and friends with me? All I get from you are these lectures how bad and stupid I am."

He looked at the handcuffs. Damn! Perfect moment to walk out of there but he couldn't.

Instead he pierced Wilson with his blue eyes. "Come on, tell me!", he urged.

Wilson sighed and looked around. Maybe he had to make up an answer, or maybe he didn't want to share the truth but it took him a while before he began.

"I have no idea", he finally mumbled. "Seriously, I don't know. It's like you said, it's like you and your Vicodin. I know it's bad for me but I can't walk out of here." He observed House and didn't like the change of his friend's facial expression. "I still got hope that you might…", there he broke off. He had said too much and he knew it.

"Hope that I might change? Hope that one day I might become the person you want me to be so that you don't have to suffer any longer in this friendship? Well, thank you very much."

"That's not what I meant, House!", Wilson tried.

"It's what you said though."

"Look, we are both tired and annoyed. Let's just go", Wilson suggested.

* * *

That day left their friendship behind as a huge mess. Wilson was still angry about the stuff House had told him the night before but now he felt guilty about the insults he threw at him. House didn't know what to think. He felt guilty about insulting Wilson all week long but the oncologist had just revealed that he was in some sort of pity friendship with House. That hit him really hard.

But this time they weren't only hooked up by their crazy weird friendship that made it impossible for one of them to walk out now they were even forced to spend another night in the same bed. It was a very long night since they both couldn't sleep but they also wouldn't speak to each other. It was around half past three when House said the only words in that night.

"Wanna go watch TV?", he asked.

"Good idea", Wilson mumbled and they settled on the couch. Finally they fell asleep for two hours before the alarm clock woke them up.

* * *

After morning hygiene and breakfast they settled in House's office to work on his latest case. Wilson had a bunch of files with him and was busy. Taub was once more in charge of the white board and House kept on mocking him about his writing. In fact he used any opportunity to insult or mock every human being that came along. And he was very rude with his employees this morning.

After he had practically thrown them out 10 minutes later Wilson looked up.

"Don't let it out on them, House!", he told them.

"That's none of your business."

"It is if you insult people because you are angry with me."

House chuckled. "Sure, now you feel guilty for them. You are pathetic."

Wilson took a deep breath trying to keep his blood pressure under 200.

He was not in the mood for another round so he went on with his paperwork.

"I have to pee", House said a moment later and got up. Wilson didn't follow.

"I'm busy here."

House rolled his eyes. "This is your punishment for me? Letting me sit here until my bladder bursts?"

"No, I'm just busy right now and since you are not five years old you can probably wait 10 minutes until I've finished."

"Or I could just pee right here on your files", House suggested.

Wilson threw him a challenging look.

"Those might be my files but it's not my table and not my carpet."

House pursed his lips. Damn it, usually threats like this worked on Wilson. He had no choice he had to increase the pressure. Ironically that only worked by relieving his own pressure.

So he leaned his cane against the chair and opened his belt. Wilson observed him but didn't change his facial expression at all.

House looked around. Why had there to be glass walls in his office? Nevertheless he unbottened his jeans.

"Can you hurry up please? Seriously man, I would have finished by now and we could be on our way to the restrooms."

House sighed and sat down. "I'm an adult. Do you really think I would pee in my own office?"

Wilson smirked. "Actually, yes. I think so. I'm a little bit disappointed right now."

"You would have been frustrated if you had met little Greg."

"So why call him little Greg?", Wilson chuckled.

He got up. "Come on, I have to pee."

House was ready to sit it out literally but his damn bladder told him otherwise. So he got up and followed him along. Wilson couldn't wipe the grin out of his face. Strike! Wilson 1 House zero!!!

* * *

After they had successfully released pressure they went to the cafeteria for lunch.

"So are we ever gonna talk about it?", Wilson said while House checked his Reuben's sandwich for pickles. He always told the staff to leave them out but most of them were lazy or didn't like him.

"Talk about what?"

"About yesterday?"

"Yesterday was a very long day. Maybe if you got a little bit more specific."

"Oh cut it out, House. You know what I mean!", Wilson grumped.

The diagnostician rolled his eyes. "God you are worse than women. You always want to talk about everything. Just forget it!"

"Forget it? You got me into jail, you called me an idiot for being friends with you."

"So what? You told me you don't like me and you just wait for me to magically reincarnate in your dream comes true best friend. But I don't whine about it."

"That's because you are an ass", Wilson snapped.

House nodded. "Fine, and since I'm such an ass I don't care about you or your neediness for that talk. Ha!"

"And when will you finally admit your feelings for Cuddy?", Wilson yelled now.

House usually didn't care what people thought about him but hearing his friend shouting around about him and Cuddy in the cafeteria was too much for him.

"Shut up!", he shouted.

Wilson grinned. "Ah, I stuck a nerve. How nice."

"I think I will call my shrink after this week", House mumbled.

"That's a good idea."

"Sure, I'll refer you to him. Stop talking about me and Cuddy."

Wilson pursed his lips. "Well this is sad. Maybe I should talk to her about this."

House glared at him. "You do this and you'll lose more than just your hand."

"Please, House. You can't even make me go to the toilet", Wilson laughed.

House was upset. When did their friendship or what was left of it turn into a Wilson controlled relationship?

House stole another French fry from Wilson's plate. As long as he could steal food there was still hope this rebellious behavior might just be temporarily.

But the worst thing was, Wilson was right. Every sleepless night this week he was close to getting up and hurrying over to Cuddy's place to talk to her. But he was not ready. Yet!

* * *

Just in that moment the dean of medicine approached their table and sat down with them.

"So, how are you guys doing?"

"Fine!", they answered simultaneously but not very convincing.

"Wilson, I heard about your patient. I'm sorry", she went on.

"I'm fine. Kind of got used to it a long time ago."

Cuddy nodded. "That's the worst part of it."

They were silent for a moment until House spoke up.

"So Cuddy, have you already written the new clinic roster? Don't forget to leave our names out of it!"

She smiled. "Not there yet, House. Still two days left."

She took his bag of chips and grabbed a handful.

"Hey. I'm the only one who is allowed to steal food. It says so in my contract."

Cuddy smiled benignly. "You steal from Wilson, I steal from you. Never heard of the food chain?"

House raised his eyebrow. "So far I've always been on top of it."

Wilson observed the two and was satisfied. They were so into each other.

"Well, House. You might be the lion in here, but it is still my jungle!", Cuddy said, grabbed some more chips and left the table. House cocked his head and watched her walk away.

Out of the corner of his eye he suddenly realized he'd been watched by Wilson and sat up straight.

Wilson starred at him and laughed. "I told you so."

"Shut up", House mumbled and wasn't sure if he had just blushed.


	9. Chapter 9

After lunch they went back to House's department. Wilson was still mocking House about the way the diagnostician looked at Cuddy. "Seriously, man. You were smiling!", Wilson grinned.

"How dare you? No shut up about this", House snapped and entered his office to meet with his team.

Another round of diagnosing before his team left for some tests and the two department heads decided it was a good moment to call it a day. So they left the hospital. Wilson insisted on going grocery shopping again.

"Maybe you should cook a nice dinner for Cuddy", Wilson suggested while he filled his caddy.

"Good idea. Hey, Cuddy, how about dinner? Just you, me and the moron oncologist on my hand."

"Well, not this week then."

"Maybe we should find you a woman. It might stop your matchmaker ambitions. Plus you are my wife this week, you'll do the cooking."

"Then stop throwing out the ingredients all the time. I need that stuff."

"Then you change your recipe. I hate this shit", House complained and got rid of a bunch of parsley.

Wilson sighed. "At least let's have some salad please. My stomach needs some vegetables for a change."

House shrugged. "Whatever. Now let's go find a steak."

* * *

Finally they agreed on their menu de jour and went back home. Like usual Wilson did the cooking while House complained every time he had to move around in his kitchen since his buddy was searching for something.

"You can deal with the steaks!", Wilson ordered him and shoved a pan in his free hand.

"Rare, medium, English? What's it's gonna be, Sir?", House asked him.

Wilson was confused for a moment. He had expected another round of complaints.

"You really gonna do it?"

"Sure. You think I leave my beloved meat in the hands of a vegetarian?"

"I'm not a vegetarian, House!", Wilson complained.

"Tell that to all the green stuff in my kitchen!"

Wilson went for medium as did House and finally they settled at the table and enjoyed their meal.

The steaks were really tasty. House could do so many things if he wasn't such a lazy dog most of the time.

* * *

After dinner it was the first time this week they did the dishes. Not because they both got finally annoyed by the growing pile but simply because they ran out of everything. And soup plates made lousy replacements. House thought it over and decided it would be best to do this chore as long as Wilson was still living with him. It took them nearly an hour since most of the food debris was dried up.

"I told you we should have done this immediately", Wilson complained when he scrubbed another plate. Suddenly he startled.

"Damn it!", he yelled and checked his watch.

"What? You are developing washerwomen's hands here?"

"I forgot about the board meeting this evening. It starts in 30 minutes."

House rolled his eyes. "Forget it! No hospital stuff for at least 2 hours after dinner. Mummy taught me so."

"House, I have to go there", Wilson insisted.

"Call in for a sick day then."

"Yes, I just showed up in the hospital completely healthy this morning but other than that it's a perfect plan."

House shook his head. "I won't come along!"

Wilson sighed. "You are an ass."

House gave him a nod.

"Thank God for that. So I can spend my evening on my couch."

Wilson gave in. He got his cell and wrote a text message to Cuddy. He was not in the mood for a discussion with her right now. At least that's what the oncologist told his friend.

So House was rather surprised when his doorbell rang half an hour later.

* * *

"Come in!", he yelled. He was tired of dragging Wilson behind him only to open up his door for some unwanted guests.

He was really surprised when the eight members of the hospital board entered his apartment.

"What the hell?", he yelled and got up.

"Good evening, House. So nice of you to invite us over for our meeting", Cuddy cheered and winked at him. She had immediately agreed after she had read Wilson's message. It took her some effort though to convince her fellow board members.

House glared at Wilson but the oncologist just shrugged.

"Mohammed didn't want to go to the mountain", he told his buddy.

"Terrific!", House mumbled.

It took a while for everyone to get seated. Cuddy sat next to House on the couch. The other members occupied every possible seat available including his piano bench.

"Now let's get started with the first topic", Cuddy started.

House leaned back and looked over her shoulder down at her neckline. Actually he had a good angle from his position.

"At least a seat with a view", he mumbled. Cuddy followed his eyes.

"House!", she yelled and hit him on his leg. "Stop this!"

The diagnostician rolled his eyes. "Well, then you stop this!", he said and pointed at the bunch of people in his living room.

"This is your fault!", Wilson interrupted them. "Now, shut up and we can get this over with! Besides there is always the option of giving up."

"Great idea. There would still be 9 people in my apartment."

Finally they could start their meeting. The longer it took the more bored House was. An hour later they were still discussing the possibility of a new lab for the genetics department. They had to find some benefactors for that one.

"If I pay for it would you guys get out of here immediately?", House interrupted now.

"Sure. It's only 2 million dollars. You write us a check?"

House turned to Wilson. "I need to borrow some money!"

"Shut up", his buddy answered.

"No, seriously people. How can you meet every week just to talk about such drivel for hours?"

"Because this drivel makes sure you have such a smooth time in your job. Because there are people who take over responsibilities and take care for things", Cuddy snapped.

"Oh thank you guys so much. Next time I'll bake you a cake!"

* * *

Cuddy sighed. "Tell you what, since I'm here and I can have an eye on both of you maybe we should release you for a while so you can go to your own room."

House looked pissed. "Thank you so much. Great idea. There's just one reason for me to go to my bedroom. Sleeping. Why don't you guys go in there and I stay here together with my TV, my piano and the rest of my interesting toys."

Cuddy grabbed the key from his jacket pocket, unlocked the handcuffs and shoved him the cane into his hands. "Just go!", she told him.

House looked around. His colleagues looked annoyed. Eventually he got up and walked over to his own room. "Tell me when you are done occupying my living room!", he yelled and slammed the door shut behind him.

The board went on with the discussion until they heard the door bell rang twenty minutes later.

Wilson got up and opened the door. He couldn't believe it.

"Are you Dr. House?", a young, hot woman asked him shyly.

She looked past him and saw the bunch of people sitting around.

"Hey, you are planning something nasty here?", she asked angrily.

Wilson looked confused. "No, I'm not Dr. House. But I know where you can find his dead body in a minute", he mumbled and turned around.

House was leaning against the wall in his hallway and smirked.

"Where are your manners, James? Ask my lovely guest inside."

Cuddy finally realized what was going on and shot him a glare that needed a gun license. She hurried over to him.

"House, what are you doing here?", she whispered.

He shrugged. "I told you I was bored all alone by myself in my bedroom. So I invited some company."

"You are an ass! And a pervert", she told him now.

He smiled. "Are you jealous? I could send her home."

Cuddy turned around.

"Why don't we call it a day? It's late. I see you all next week in our usual room. Thank you for coming and the nice work", she announced and the rest of the board members didn't hesitate for a second. They grabbed their stuff and were out of the place within a minute.

"Have a nice evening with your guest I hope she likes threesomes", Cuddy snapped at House and held out the handcuffs. "I'm out of here and you both are back in the game."

Then she left. The poor woman was still standing at the door.

House walked over and handed her 50 dollars. "Thank you for coming!", he said and slammed the door in her face.

* * *

"Well done, House!", Wilson mumbled and sat back on the couch.

"What now?", the diagnostician asked annoyed.

"You pissed Cuddy off completely. Now you'll never get her", Wilson explained.

House was upset. He hit his cane against the wall.

"God damn it, Wilson! Shut up! Do I have to make a commercial for the Super Bowl first? I'm not interested in her!"

"House, you are pathetic! And a coward. Admit it! You have feelings for her. And the only reason you are upset right now is that you know you pissed her off tonight!", Wilson yelled.

House swallowed a Vicodin and picked up his cane.

"Just one more day and we are out of this. Why don't we spend that day in total silence?", he mumbled and went into his bathroom.

It was half past ten when they both settled on the couch. Wilson worked on some files while House just relaxed.

But pretty soon the oncologist got tired and so he closed his files and leaned back.

Half an hour later Foreman called to inform his boss about the latest development and House was relieved since he could stay at home this time. The patient was still sick but at least not about to die that night.

In the meantime Wilson yawned for the third time in five minutes. He stretched his arms and got House's attention since the diagnostician lost his right arm for a moment.

"Can we please go to bed?", Wilson asked him.

House just looked at him but stayed silent. Wilson rolled his eyes. "You can't keep your mouth shut anyway."

The diagnostician concentrated on the TV again. Wilson was upset. He took the remote control switched off the TV and threw it out of reach. House didn't even blink and kept his eyes on the now black screen.

"Well, if you don't want to speak then you won't at least interrupt me this time. So where were we? Oh yeah, I was just explaining to you why you are such a moron who chickens out every time Cuddy comes in sight."

Wilson wasn't sure if it was just imagination but he could swear House' s neck artery was pulsating heavily.

But House stayed silent while Wilson went on analyzing about his recent behavior.

* * *

Instead of talking he inspected the handle of his cane sharply. Then he looked at Wilson's forehead and back at his cane a few times as if he was watching a tennis match. Wilson got the message.

"Oh yeah, hit me with your stupid cane. Great plan. Violence, great strategy. But be aware of the fact that Cuddy would never forget or forgive this."

Suddenly House looked over and smirked. "You know what, I doubt it I won't go to sleep tonight."

"What?", Wilson asked surprised.

"I should have come up with this four days ago. Lack of sleep is a powerful weapon."

Wilson shook his head. "No, forget it! You'll go to bed and you'll sleep. You can't do this! I have patients, you have a patient. We got a responsibility here!"

House shrugged. "It's not my problem you can't handle a sleepless night."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch enough sleep during the last 4 nights!", Wilson yelled.

"So you already got used to it. No problem then", House said and put his feet on the table.

Wilson sighed. "I don't care. I can sleep here as well."

"That's what you think!", House mumbled.

* * *

A few moments later he got up and pulled on the chain. "Come on, I have to go to the bathroom first."

Wilson looked suspiciously. "That's a trick. You are up to something."

House rolled his eyes.

"Look, my leg hurts. I can't sleep here on the couch again. So please!"

Wilson agreed and followed him. But on their way to the bathroom House stopped in his hallway.

"What is it?", Wilson wondered.

"Nothing. "

"Then go on."

House looked around. "No, I like it here. I just realized I hardly spent any time in this part of my apartment."

"Because it's a hallway!", Wilson yelled.

"So what? It's nice here."

Wilson shook his head. "This is ridiculous. Let's go!"

But House didn't move an inch.

Wilson usually never used physical violence that could damage House's damaged leg in any way but right now he didn't care. He pushed House with his shoulder and tried to force him into the bathroom. House had a serious problem with this. He couldn't use his right leg to fight against his buddy and he also missed his right hand to hold up against the wall.

"Stop this!", he shouted but it was too late. He put all his weight and some of his violent friend's as well on his right leg which gave in immediately. So House struggled and went down. A sharp pain ran through his thigh. He clenched his teeth and tried to prevent a groan.

"Are you out of your mind?", he yelled eventually and punched an elbow in his buddy's ribs. Wilson had gone down right after him but managed to end on his knees next to his friend instead on top of him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you would put up a girl's fight here."

"You hit me below the belt here. Where is my Vicodin?"

He searched his pockets but the orange bottle stood on the couch table.

Wilson smirked. "You are right, this is a lovely place. Let's stay here."

House looked pissed. "You call this fair play? Damaging my already crippled leg and keeping me away from my pain meds? That's torture!"

"So is sleep deprivation", Wilson objected.

* * *

House sat up and leaned against the wall. Wilson settled down right next to him.

The oncologist checked his watch. It was half past eleven.

"So, violence. Great strategy. I doubt it that Cuddy will like this", House snapped.

"So what now?", Wilson finally asked.

"You won't give up, I won't give up. I won't ask out Cuddy and I'll keep on going with my canned soup diet. That's it. Tomorrow evening we are out of this", House explained.

Wilson shrugged. "That's the only thing that matters for you?"

House sneered. "Sure, what else?"

"Maybe our friendship and how we damaged it during the last week?"

House sighed. "If it makes you happy I can ensure you everything is fine."

"No, it isn't. I said bad things you did. We have to talk about this."

House rolled his eyes. "We were annoyed. Totally nerved by each other. Forget it."

Wilson looked sadly now. But he was tired of having these discussions.

House starred at him. "That's it? No lecture?"

* * *

"If there's something I learned that week it's that you are too stubborn for my lectures", Wilson admitted.

House hoicked his arms and nearly dislocated Wilson's shoulder.

"Yeah! Hello Nirvana! Took you only 10 years to learn this lesson!", the diagnostician cheered.

"Still, I have to tell you…", Wilson tried but was interrupted immediately.

"And I'm back in hell."

"Actually I wanted to tell you that I need to pee urgently."

House chuckled and nodded. "Alright."

They got up. House stretched shortly and caused a crackling sound in his back.

"Wow, somebody is getting old here", Wilson smirked.

"So you gonna break my back next since you discovered my other weak point?", House snapped.

"No, but maybe you should hurry up a little. Cuddy doesn't fall for old men."

House sighed and sobbed sarcastically. "I knew it. Analyzing and lecturing is your Vicodin."

"Doesn't hurt my liver though", Wilson objected.

"But our friendship!"

They went into the bathroom finally and Wilson relieved his bladder.

House unlocked the handcuffs so they had a chance to put on their pajamas. They met at the sink in the bathroom to brush their teeth and collapsed on House's bed eventually.

Wilson fell asleep after a few minutes. House yawned and thought about the past few hours. Wilson was right, again. Tonight he had pissed off Cuddy completely. And that bugged him. Damn it, that really annoyed him. How could he be so stupid and invite a prostitute when Cuddy while Cuddy was present? He only had called her to get rid of his uninvited guests but nevertheless he had annoyed Cuddy. He should have been a good boy for once. Play along with that stupid prank of hers, let them have their stupid board meeting and showing her that he could be serious. House took a deep breath and shook his head. He had to get rid of these thoughts. He was about to turn into Wilson. Now he just had to make it through the last day and everything could go back to normal.

* * *

**So, will they make it through the last day? Who should win this bet? Tell me what you think! :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

Monday, Day 7, 7.30 am

It was the last time House was woken by that annoying sound of Wilson's alarm clock.

"So let's get that stupid shower routine over with", he mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

They got up and collected their clothes for the day.

Wilson checked his suitcase. "I ran out of shirts. Can we go to my place first?"

"Take one of mine", House offered and opened his closet.

"No thank you", Wilson denied that offer after he had looked at the crinkled shirts.

"Right, I forgot. You have to make up your lack of genius by good looking clothes and ugly ties", House mocked him.

"Never mind. I think I have some shirts in my office", the oncologist said and so they left for the hospital. Well obviously Wilson had run out of shirts there as well. That's what he discovered when they arrived in his office. House chuckled and got one of his own shirts out of his knapsack.

"Still not interested?", he asked.

Wilson groaned. "I'll definitely wear my lab coat today!", he decided and accepted the wrinkled shirt.

They took their shower and got their usual breakfast in the cafeteria.

* * *

After breakfast it was time for Wilson's round through the oncology ward. "Can't you do it tomorrow?", House whined.

"No, I can't. I have to make up my lack of genius by teaching students. Rubbing my knowledge in their faces makes me feel better", the oncologist snapped.

House rolled his eyes but followed his friend through the oncology ward. During the next hour he was annoyed by that bunch of students who asked stupid questions constantly.

Suddenly Cuddy approached the group.

"Good morning, Dr. Cuddy", House said in a friendly tone. He had to find out about her mood.

Since she completely ignored him he got his answer rather fast.

"Dr. Wilson, could you please fill in for Dr. Wolf in the clinic at 11 am? He called in sick this morning."

House rolled his eyes but he bit his tongue.

"Sure", Wilson agreed and returned to his students.

Cuddy shot House a glare and left. House furrowed his brows. She was really pissed. Damn!

A few moments later she approached him again.

"This doesn't mean you can skip your clinic duty in the afternoon, House!", she snapped and walked away.

Wilson pursed his lips and threw him a look. Terrific!

Wilson finished his round at half past 10. They settled down in the oncologist's office for a moment.

"See, I told you she's pissed", he started.

"She's just angry because she will lose the bet", House objected.

"Right!", Wilson smirked. House could always come up with an excuse.

* * *

Suddenly House's pager started. His team was searching for him.

"Come on. I got to look after my children", he announced and they crossed the two balconies to enter House's department.

"How nice of you to drop by", Foreman told his boss. House raised his eyebrows.

"Excuse me?"

"Your presence is really rare lately", the neurologist said.

"Who cares? I'm always up to date. I can even tell right now that the latest MRI didn't confirm our latest suspicion and we are back to nothing here, right?"

"How would you know this?", Thirteen asked him.

"Because Foreman only pages me nowadays when he doesn't have a clue. Apart from that he likes to play the big boss in here whenever I'm not in."

"Very funny, House", Foreman said annoyed.

"That wasn't a joke", House informed him and opened the file. Wilson was still looking at the white board.

"Get over here!", House told him and pulled at the chain.

"Ouch!", Wilson yelled but sat down next to him.

"Alright. What about this raised glutamine levels? These are new. Any ideas?"

He looked around. His team kept silent.

"I give you a hint. It's a really important organ and funny shaped. Got a tail and a head and…."

"His pancreas?", Taub wondered.

House nodded. "Wow, what a smart team I got here."

"But what about it?", Taub asked now.

* * *

Suddenly the door flew open and Cuddy entered.

She looked at Foreman. "Is he needed right now?", she asked him and pointed at House.

Foreman looked confused. "Ahm, actually we are in the middle of a ddx."

"House, tell them your latest theory and get your ass downstairs. It's 11.15. You guys are due in the clinic."

"Hey, I'm not supposed to be in the clinic. Wilson is filling in for Wolf. Let it out on him!", House replied.

"Wilson is not the reason for the held up here, you are. Like always."

"Oh, I'm so sorry for doing my job here! But if you want me to stop my work so I can waste an hour downstairs while my colleague treats some sniffels, I'll be fine with this."

"Just do as I told you!", Cuddy ordered him and left.

"What did you do now?", Thirteen asked him. "She is pissed."

"Think about the diagnosis not about the stuff that's none of your business", he ordered them and went up. Together with Wilson he walked over to the elevators.

"You do it? Just like this?", the oncologist wondered.

House shrugged. "She's my boss. Whatever she orders."

"Yeah, right", Wilson sneered.

"She's overreacting. I just called a hooker over to get rid of you guys", House defended himself.

"I doubt it this is only about the hooker thing."

"What else would she react that bitchy about?", House wondered.

"I guess it's a general annoyance. Maybe it got something to do with all those mixed feelings you are sending her."

"Oh my God", House mumbled and followed Wilson into the elevator.

"No seriously, House. If you didn't chicken out all the time you guys would probably be married by now", the oncologist continued.

"I think you should get an MRI of your head. All these fantasies you are having lately could really turn into something serious", House deflected.

* * *

They continued their discussion until they stepped into exam room two and greeted their, no actually only Wilson's first patient. House brought along a magazine to keep himself informed about the latest Hollywood drivel. Hey, if Angelina Jolie was about to adopt her next child he had to know about this…

The first patient of the day was a good looking woman in her twenties.

"My name is Judy Carlson. I was taking a shower this morning and I felt something here under my left breast", she pointed there. "I read on the internet that it could be breast cancer!"

House rolled his eyes. Damn google.

"Maybe we should take a look first", Wilson suggested.

House put down his magazine and swallowed a Vicodin.

"Good idea, Dr. Wilson", he said and starred at the woman ready to examine whatever she would bring out from under her top.

Judy seemed a little uncomfortable.

"Does he have to be here?", she asked Wilson now.

"Don't worry. Dr. House is a very good doctor. Very professional", Wilson explained and shot his colleague a glare.

"Actually you are lucky. Two doctors for the prize of one", House told her.

The young lady took of her top and opened her braw.

Wilson kept up his professional behavior while House felt like a cat in a fish shop. That woman was really hot.

"It's right here. Maybe you should feel for yourself", the woman showed them now.

"I'll do it. He has very cold hands. That's why he can't work in OB/Gyn", House explained and got ready to feel.

"I'm the oncologist here, so I should do it", Wilson explained and earned a nod of Judy.

"But Dr. Wilson. We are sure it's not cancer, right? And I'm the diagnostician here."

"Guys! This is really making me uncomfortable. Dr. Wilson, please you do it."

Wilson smirked at House who grimaced in response. Then the oncologist started the breast exam while House returned to his magazine.

* * *

"They are fake anyway", he mumbled and turned the page.

"No, they are not!", Judy objected. "This is all natural!"

"Oh sure. Just like your lips. Good surgeon but still detectable for a skilled person or anyone else with eyes", House replied.

"Ok, I'm done with you guys", Judy yelled and shoved off Wilson's hand. She put on her clothes and grabbed her purse.

"We should do an MRI", Wilson told her but she had enough. "Yeah, maybe but certainly not in this nut hole!", she shouted and left the room.

"You are an idiot!", Wilson told his friend.

"What? You grabbed her breasts without the entire oncology crap. Saved you lots of paperwork here. You should thank me!"

"She might have cancer and will never trust a doctor again. Good job!"

"She will get her treatment. She's keen on attention and since you just told her she needs an MRI she's already on her way to Princeton General", House explained.

"And she took her lovely breasts with her. She could have been my patient", Wilson sighed.

House once more put down his magazine and grinned.

"Good to have you back. You nasty boy. But believe me, I still did you a favor. A hot chick with cancer? First she will take your neediness then your bank account. You can't handle too many divorces."

* * *

A moment later the door opened and Cuddy came in.

"I just had a conversation with Ms. Carlson. Are you out of your minds?", she started.

"Oh no, mummy found out!", House snapped.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. I tried to keep him down", Wilson tried to explain.

"By starting a "who may touch her breasts first"- contest?"

"I just told her I have to examine her breast. House on the other hand….", he was cut off by his boss.

"Oh stop it. I don't want to hear it. I'm really disappointed in both of you!", she said and walked out.

House pursed his lips and watched her leaving. A moment later she led an elder man into the room.

"See, Mr. Garland, I told you two of my best doctors will take care for you. This one is our top diagnostician. He will take a really close look at your ulcerating hemorrhoids", she told the old guy and glared at the diagnostician.

House smiled at her for the first time that day. With a simple nod he acknowledged her victory. Surprisingly that simple gesture soften up her mood. At least a little.

As soon as she had closed the door behind her he looked pissed once more. Touching that old guy's ass while Wilson had been in examining heaven just minutes before? That sucked. Probably also the reason why Wilson had difficulties preventing a laughing fit.

"So which of you is that top doctor?", Mr. Garland wondered now.

"He is!", both of them answered simultaneously while pointing at each other.

I don't care. I'll take you!", the oldtimer said and pointed at House. He started explaining his symptoms immediately and House finally did the job.

Wilson would keep on mocking him about it for a while.

* * *

After this the two department heads settled in House's office to give the diagnostician a chance to ponder about the case and watch his favorite soap.

"How can you watch this drivel?", Wilson shook his head after 5 minutes but House shushed him down. He had no idea what was going on in the TV.

His thoughts were a mixture of symptoms trying to find a connection between them and asking Cuddy out for a date.

Suddenly they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Michael's mother stood in front of the glass door and Wilson signed her to step inside.

"The nurse in oncology told me I could find you here", she said. "I never asked you but why are you chained to Dr. House?"

"It's an experiment. We see how long we can go before we are driven crazy by the lack of privacy."

"Since you guys are friends it should take a while, shouldn't it?"

House looked surprised. "How would you know we are friends?"

For a moment she smiled. "I've been sitting so many times in Dr. Wilson's office to talk about my son's treatment. After the third time you interrupted us by throwing gravel against his window he told me about you."

"Sorry for that. Sometimes there are needs for very important consults."

"Like skipping work for bowling hours? He told me much about you", she went on.

House glared at Wilson.

"Never heard about friend-friend-confidentially?", he snapped.

"I'm sorry. Whenever I get interrupted by the lunatic on the balcony my patients ask for an explanation."

"Don't worry, Dr. House. I understand this. I think I would escape this place as often as possible if I were you."

Wilson got up, dragging House behind him who had trouble reaching for his cane.

"So how are you doing, Sophia?", Wilson asked her.

Tears showed up in her eyes immediately.

"Not very good I have to admit. I just came to pick up his things. And I wanted to thank you, Dr. Wilson. You have been fighting with Michael for such a long time."

House observed the scene and didn't feel comfortable.

"No, Michael was the fighter in this one. I just tried to help him."

"And so you did. You helped him. And me as well. If you are going through this it's good to know you have a shoulder to lean on sometimes and a sympathetic ear."

"I really wished we could have done more for him. It looked promising but then he caught that pneumonia. I'm so sorry", Wilson went on.

Sofia bit her lip and wiped away some tears.

* * *

"I just wished he would have had more time. Not in here but before the cancer started. Part of me feels relieved that he's finally out of this misery and out of the pain. But another part feels guilty about that. I think I'm just a complete mess right now."

Wilson put his free hand on her shoulder. "Listen, if you need help with anything or you feel the need to talk just call me, ok?"

She smiled for a second. "Thank you."

She turned around and walked to the door. Before she left she turned around.

"Listen, don't stop fighting, ok?"

Wilson nodded. "I won't. I promise!"

"Same goes for you, Dr. House. From what I heard you are a very good doctor", she said and looked at him for a moment.

He gave her a nod. "Good bye", he mumbled. Then she left. The two were standing in his office for a moment.

"So, no mocking about me starting a relationship with her out of pity?", Wilson finally started.

House looked up and met his eyes.

"I have to go", he mumbled.

"You had an epiphany while I was talking to her?", Wilson wondered.

House smirked. "Sort of, yeah."

"Ok, where are we going?"

"Downstairs!", House told him.

"I have an important meeting in 10 minutes", Wilson informed him but his friend didn't care.

"Hey, relax. I still need this arm", Wilson complained on their way back to the elevators.

* * *

House was looking for Cuddy but he couldn't see her either in the clinic or in her office.

"She left early today. Her daughter is sick.", the nurse in the clinic told him.

Terrific. By the time he would be there he would freak out again. So far he was still convinced of doing this.

"Cancel your meeting!", he told Wilson and dragged him behind him to the parking lot.

"Can't you do this tomorrow?", Wilson asked him annoyed.

"No, I have to prevent chickening out again. You can't blame anyone but yourself for this!", he explained while they drove over to Cuddy's place.

House parked the car in front of her door. The diagnostician seemed to be nervous.

He searched his pockets and brought out the keys for the handcuffs.

"What are you doing?", Wilson asked him when House released his hand.

House didn't tell him but cuffed his friend to the steering wheel.

Wilson wasn't very pleased with that.

"House. Stop this shit!"

The diagnostician took a deep breath. "I'm sorry we were in jail because of me. But it's true. You are an idiot for still being friends with me. Every other person would have walked out a long time ago. But you didn't because you still have hope for me. That is very stupid but it's also something I'm grateful for."

"And that's your way of showing me your gratitude?", Wilson asked annoyed.

"No, that's my way of telling you: Don't screw with me when I have to pee! And don't talk about me with your patients!"

House got out of the car and took the car keys with him. He knocked on the door and it took a while before Cuddy opened up. She carried Rachel in her arms. The kid was crying. House could tell she had a fever. Her head was read and her eyes were glassy.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "What do you want, House? I don't have time right now."

He took a deep breath and felt ridiculous about how ridiculous he felt.

"I heard your kid is sick so you are probably stuck here. Maybe you could need some company now."

Cuddy looked confused. "Are you high?"

"Probably, but that's not the reason why I came", he objected.

"I just thought. You come over here voluntarily to be with a sick and whining kid and her annoyed mother."

It was only now when she realized the absence of her head of oncology.

"Wait a second. Where is Wilson?"

House pointed at the car. "Over there. He owes me for the night I spent in front of his patient's room. Now it's his turn to wait. So what, are you hungry? I know this fantastic Chinese place and I heard they deliver."

Cuddy was still skeptical but let him in.

"Did Wilson hit you on the head? What is going on here?", she asked him once they were seated on her couch.

"Can't I just come over here and spend a nice afternoon with you?"

"No, YOU can't. Something's up, House", she said.

He chuckled. This was harder than he had imagined.

* * *

"Look, I don't have much time on my hands here. Once Wilson finds a way to escape he will probably kill me. But I have to tell you; about this lion in the jungle thing you were wrong."

She smiled and rocked her daughter carefully in her arms.

"Really?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. A lion doesn't belong into the jungle. He lives in the savannah."

"So what you are saying is you are out of place in my hospital?"

He smirked. "Either that or I'm more of a monkey. They live in the jungle."

"Monkeys don't go on top of the food chain", she objected.

"True. But they do care much about their social life. What do you say? Want me to delouse you?"

She laughed at that comment.

"You are crazy, House."

He nodded.

"But it's true. Monkeys do value their loved ones. So show me your social skills", she winked at him seductively.

He didn't know what she meant by this until she put Rachel into his arms.

"Someone needs a fresh diaper here."

He rolled his eyes. Terrific. He knew this kid would mean trouble.

"You can't keep me company, House. Only us", she explained and pointed at Rachel.

"Ok, but you come with me. You don't want me to carry her upstairs without my cane."

Cuddy blushed immediately. "I'm sorry."

Now House felt uncomfortable.

"Hey, stop this. No pity! You know how this works. I can't keep you company. Only we can", he smirked and held up his cane.

"Wow, perfect patch work", Cuddy said and got up. She took Rachel from him and they went upstairs.

* * *

"I've never done this in my life. You show me", he told her once they were in the nursery.

"Oh, we finally found something the great Dr. House can't do?", Cuddy smirked.

Suddenly House's phone rang.

"What is it?", he snapped once he had answered the call.

"House, I'm gonna kill you!", Wilson yelled.

House chuckled.

"What took you so long?"

"Get me the keys for those stupid handcuffs!", Wilson ordered.

"You can't leave anyway. So what?", House objected.

Rachel started crying while Cuddy changed her diaper.

Wilson's mood cheered up immediately.

"Is it at least worth my time?", he wondered.

"No. I already left and wasn't in the mood for your lecture", House lied.

"I can hear a baby crying. Where would you meet a baby?"

"Maybe in the clinic? In a drugstore? Oh and I had that hooker once that couldn't find a babysitter. That was kind of weird."

"Shut up, House. You got lucky. You making nice with Cuddy is the only thing that saves you from another violent outrage!"

House hung up.

* * *

"Trouble in paradise?", Cuddy asked him.

"Nope", House said and put the phone back in his pocket.

"Now you missed the changing part", Cuddy complained.

House put on his innocent face.

"Well, then Wilson was useful for once."

Cuddy put Rachel down in her bed. The little girl was not really satisfied with that decision but after a few minutes she fell asleep. Cuddy and House went back downstairs.

"When exactly can I expect you on Saturday? I was lazy lately, my windows will definitely need to be cleaned."

"What do you mean? We didn't lose! In fact it's only 30 more minutes", House told her after he had checked his watch.

"No, the whole purpose of that bet is to prove that you guys drive each other nuts. So the rule says you have to be with Wilson all the time. The only exception was the night when that kid died. You guys are not only supposed to be in the same place but also to be together. He is all by himself in the car while you are having fun in here."

"I don't have fun right now!", House stated and raised his eyebrow. "Although I could come up with one or two ideas."

"Shut up. That's not the point. You guys lost, that's it!"

"That's not fair. Wilson had an emergency so you give him time off. I have an emergency and of course you declare us losers immediately", House complained.

"This is not an emergency, House!", Cuddy explained.

* * *

House didn't respond. He just starred at her. She looked fantastic as always. He was smiling but not his snappy smirk he put on usually combined with some sarcastic comment.

Cuddy liked that look. And she liked him more than she would ever admit. She waited for his next move. And got disappointed when he got up and reached for his jacket.

"Where are you going?", she asked him.

"I still have my patient", he told her.

"But your team would tell you if something comes up."

He raised an eyebrow. "My boss would be really angry if she finds out I'm skipping work hours."

"House, why did you come over here today?", she asked him directly now.

He took a deep breath.

"I told you it was an emergency. I just came to borrow some flour. We want to bake some cookies."

"House, tell me!", she ordered him but he grabbed his cane and walked towards the door.

"Make sure the kid gets well soon. See you tomorrow", he told her and got out.

* * *

House stepped out and sighed. He was such a stupid moron!

He glanced at the silver Volvo and rolled his eyes. Wilson threw him an expecting look.

But the diagnostician was not in the mood for another discussion with his friend. He walked down the driveway and stopped next to the car. He got the keys out of his pocket and waved them in front of Wilson's face. The oncologist looked upset.

"House! Don't even think about it!", he yelled.

House smirked and thought it over for a moment. Finally he opened the door and threw him the keys for the car and the handcuffs.

"What happened?", Wilson asked him.

"We lost!", House said and shut the door. As quickly as possible he limped away but he had no chance. Only seconds later Wilson got out of the car and followed him.

"What do you mean we lost? What did you do?"

"Go away!", House yelled and walked on.

Wilson passed him and stopped right in front of him.

"Tell me!"

House tried to go on but Wilson held him back.

"You can't outrun me anyway."

"For the last seven days we both wished we could get away from each other. And now, the moment we can do this you come up with the idea of stalking me? That's brilliant."

He shoved away Wilson's hand and limped away.

"You freaked out again, didn't you?", Wilson yelled after him.

"Good bye!", House replied without turning around.

The oncologist approached him again.

"What happened House?", Wilson asked him now.

House sneered. "Oh sure, I forgot my Wilson-English dictionary today. In your universe Good bye is another term for "please hug me so I can cry my eyes out on your shoulder!". Why don't you go and hold hands with the cancer chick? You heard her, she could need an open ear", House told him now.

Wilson exhaled noisily and starred at him for a moment.

"Go to hell, House!", he said eventually and walked back to his car.

"Just been there the entire week", he mumbled and started walking once more.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so sorry for the late update but my exams are keeping me busy. Thanks for all your nice reviews! :-)**

* * *

A few minutes later House cursed and swore. He shouldn't have started that fight as long as Wilson had not driven him home. It was a quiet neighborhood and took him a while to find a busy street where he could catch a cab. He was not in the mood for company so he went home instead of back to work. He got into his apartment and shut the door behind him and the world out of his mind once more.

Wilson went home as well. He was glad to be back in his own place all by himself. He was not glad about the results this week had brought them. They had lost and were due to clean up Cuddy's house the next Saturday, he was in a huge fight with House and his matchmaker qualities had not shown the desired outcome.

House had similar thoughts while he played his piano only joined by a glass of Scotch. By contrast to his colleague he didn't pity Wilson's matchmaker ambitions though but rather his own stupidity. How could he walk out of there just the moment he had won her over? Damn it, he was a chicken. A rather stupid one.

House was frustrated. He would have welcomed a long holiday right that moment. Anything that would keep him away from the hospital for a couple of days. And far away from Wilson and Cuddy.

Unfortunately he had to show up in his department the same night. At least he could concentrate on his case again. Time to get this over with. The poor guy had suffered enough.

* * *

"We can't figure it out. We stabilized his heart, couldn't find a underlying reason for the cardiac arrest and now since it's back in shape his pancreas gives in once more", Foreman updated his boss after House's arrival.

The diagnostician browsed the file to get the different levels.

"By the way, Cuddy was asking for you. She called half an hour ago", Taub told him suddenly.

House looked up.

"Did she really ask for me or did she only want to know if I was back at work?"

His team exchanged confused looks.

"She wanted to talk to you", Taub finally told him.

House only gave him a nod and returned to the board but he had lost his concentration.

Damn, once more his mind lost track of the ddx and was back with Cuddy.

But this time the distraction brought him an answer. House smirked while he went through their conversation again when it suddenly hit him.

The food chain. The natural fight for food that decided between life and death.

* * *

"They are in a fight", he mumbled and draw the attention of his team.

"What? Who's in a fight?", Foreman wondered.

"His organs. First his pancreas was damaged. It improved but then his heart gave up. Now the heart is fine again but his pancreas is back in the dumpster. They are fighting for something. Or against something."

"But what do they both share? And why would it kill these organs?", Taub asked.

House smirked. This lion thing really saved his day.

"When you get lost in the desert together with your buddy and a lion shows up you don't have to run faster than the lion just faster than your buddy", he explained. His team didn't get it.

"Let's say he's got an infection that is killing his pancreas. But it is faster and so the infection goes after its next victim. The heart. But this is a marathon not a sprint so the pancreas gets tired and is once more overtaken by the heart."

"And what infection would that be?", Thirteen asked.

"No infection. His white blood cells are in normal range. How about a fungus?"

"Good thing there is only one", Foreman mumbled.

House shrugged. "Why would I do all the work? Go check it out!"

He sent his team out and went into his office. Satisfied he leaned back. It was only a matter of time before they would find it out.

There were only a handful of possibilities and if they didn't come up with it he would tell them that rather complicated Greek name in the morning. Or maybe earlier since the guy was really close to dying.

At least one problem solved.

Another one he could see across the balconies. Wilson was obviously there as well since he just switched on the light. Time to get out of here.

House grabbed his helmet and made his way downstairs. He enjoyed the ride on his bike. Way better than driving Wilson's lame Volvo.

* * *

For the rest of the week House kept his head down. Avoiding Wilson was easy, they just didn't speak to each other. Without Wilson's wallet House had no reason to show up in the cafeteria. His diet consisted of whatever the vending machine down the hallway served him. Surprisingly the oncologist had obviously no intention to talk to him either. He didn't show up once.

Avoiding Cuddy on the other hand meant work. He even attended all his clinic hours on time only to make sure she wouldn't chase and force him downstairs.

Cuddy observed her department heads. She didn't know what had happened between the two of them but she didn't like it at all. She had found what she was looking for. House and Wilson didn't spend any time together but did their jobs. Unfortunately she hated it.

* * *

Cuddy was rather surprised when they both showed up at her place on Saturday morning 9am to pay their dept. House might be a jerk but a bet was sacred to him. And paying his dept was essential.

"Morning boys", she greeted them. They didn't even look at each other.

"So let's get this over with", Wilson mumbled and waited for instructions.

"I don't care what I do as long as I can do it far away from him", House told his boss. He ended up in the kitchen while Wilson cleaned her bathroom.

"What happened between you guys?", Cuddy asked Wilson while he scrubbed her bathtub.

"House being House. Seems as if you were right. Nobody can take this 24/7."

"But you guys are friends. You can't throw away this just because of a little fight."

Wilson sighed annoyed. "Sooner or later we all reach this point with House. Now I can join the long list of people he jerked out of his life."

"James, he killed your girlfriend last year and you stayed friends with him."

The oncologist looked at her. "Not a good argument."

"I just mean….", she got interrupted.

"I know. Why don't you go downstairs and make sure House does his chores."

"He's cleaning my kitchen", Cuddy explained.

"Right", Wilson sneered and returned to the bathtub.

* * *

Cuddy got suspicious. She went downstairs and sneaked into the kitchen. House wasn't there. But she could hear the TV in her living room. She rolled her eyes and marched over only to find the doctor on her couch, his feet on the table watching his soap.

"House!", she yelled and stood in front of the screen. House tried to look around her but she grabbed the remote control and switched off the TV.

"You are supposed to clean my kitchen!"

He shrugged. "I did."

"Show me!", she ordered him and yanked his feet off the table.

"Ouch! Careful woman!", House yelled and rubbed his thigh.

"Keep your dirty shoes of my table!", she said and walked over to the kitchen. He followed her.

"See? Everything is clean."

Cuddy looked pissed. "You cleaned one cup", she said and pointed at the washed mug that was standing next to a pile of dirty dishes.

"Ever heard of pre-washing that stuff?", House snapped. "And this baby stuff is just disgusting. I won't do that."

"Then do something else. Just sleeping and watching TV won't do it."

"Can I clean your bedroom?", he asked her now.

"No!"

"Can I make it dirty together with you?", he wondered and raised an eyebrow.

"NO! Go tidy up the nursery."

"But there is a baby in there", House objected.

"How very observing of you. That's probably why I have a nursery. Just be silent."

House smiled. "Ok. But you come along and show me where everything belongs", he suggested.

"Well for starters, the baby stays in bed."

"We could leave her with Wilson and have a nice day", House offered her now.

Cuddy smiled. "That's what you think. Tidy up my house and we can talk about this later."

House raised an eyebrow. "Interesting. You didn't say no."

* * *

Right that moment Wilson came downstairs.

"Done with your bathroom", he announced.

"Great. You can go on in the kitchen."

"I thought House did the kitchen", Wilson objected.

"Well he tried but since he never uses a kitchen he got lost", Cuddy explained.

"Oh really?", Wilson asked annoyed. "Lazy ass!"

House stuck out his tongue to him and followed Cuddy upstairs to clean up the nursery.

Wilson sighed but went into the kitchen finally.

"Jesus Christ. That girl can't even walk. Why is her stuff distributed all over the floor?", House wondered when they entered.

Cuddy shushed him down. "Not so loud."

She looked into the crib and smiled. "Isn't she sweet?", she asked him.

House joined her and shrugged. "She's boring. You can't do anything useful with her."

Cuddy sighed. "House!"

That moment the baby woke up. Rachel looked around and probably thought about whether she should start crying or not.

"Crap!", House mumbled.

Cuddy punched him in the side. "Don't swear in here!"

"Yeah, she will definitely start speaking any moment now", House snapped.

* * *

While Cuddy watched her daughter House started picking up toys, stuffed animals and romper suits.

"How could this guy approve you as a foster mum? This place is a mess", he told her.

"That's why I got my private slaves", she smirked.

House sighed. "I could do so much better. You are wasting my talents here!"

"Don't even think about flirting with me, House!"

"You are telling me now? After 20 years?", the diagnostician wondered.

"You can keep on chasing after me after you solved your issues with Wilson!"

House rolled his eyes.

"Oh lucky me. Since there are no issues concerning Wilson we can go on right now."

"House, you are not talking to each other. You didn't miss a single minute of your clinic duty this week. Not that I would complain about this but I want my two department heads back."

House chuckled and shook his head. "I thought you put up that whole game to get us doing our jobs. Oh woman!"

Cuddy sighed. "True, but it didn't work out the way I wanted."

Rachel started crying and her mother picked her up. "She's hungry", Cuddy explained.

"So am I. But not for food", House smiled.

"Get your friendship in order and maybe I'm gonna feed my lion", she told him and left the room to get downstairs.

House looked at the small stuffed donkey in his hands.

"Get it in order…. Easier said than done with two stubborn mules like us!", he mumbled and put the donkey on the shelf together with its animal friends.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Just in time. Thank God, finally September 21th! I wanted to finish this story a long time ago. I'm really sorry! :-)**

* * *

House was about to go AWOL but since he couldn't risk pissing off Cuddy again, he stayed and ended up vacuuming the entire house while Wilson was busy lawnmoaning.

Finally Cuddy released them at half past two in the afternoon.

"Same time next week!", she told them.

House and Wilson walked back to their car respectively motorbike.

"I still have my stuff at your place. Shall I pick it up or can you bring it on Monday?", Wilson asked carefully.

House looked at his bike and thought it over for a moment.

"Can't bring it on the bike. You can get it later", he mumbled.

It was an awkward situation and an uncomfortable silence built up. Both of them wanted to say something but they didn't.

"Ok, I'll come around 7 tonight", Wilson finally said and got into his car. House watched him leaving.

"I'll be there", he whispered and left as well.

Wilson let himself in at 7.15 pm. He lay down the key on the couch table.

"I doubt it I will need it again", he mumbled.

House looked up from his piano and stopped playing.

He got up, took his wallet and got some bank notes out.

"3000 dollars if you tell Cuddy that we are ok", he explained and offered Wilson the money.

The oncologist looked confused. "Are you nuts?"

House shrugged. "Why?"

"You want me to repair our friendship for money? You can't be serious!"

"I don't want to make good with you. I want you to pretend that we are good!"

Wilson shook his head. "Unbelievable. Just give me my stuff."

"It's all over the place. You'll find it", House told him and sat down on the couch.

He observed his guest picking up his laundry and other things. Finally Wilson entered the bathroom and now House followed him.

Wilson got his toothbrush when suddenly House grabbed his right wrist and chained him to the towel rail on the wall next to the sink.

"What the hell? House! Let me go!", the oncologist yelled.

House smirked and shook his head.

"You should have taken the money!", he told him and left his bathroom.

* * *

Wilson sat down on the edge of the bath tub and thought about his current situation. Knowing House he was not really afraid but rather annoyed. He wouldn't end like the victim in Misery but it would probably take a while to get out of this. When Wilson could hear the piano he decided it was time to get help. So he searched for his cell phone when he remembered it was still in his coat that he had lay down on the couch 5 minutes earlier.

"HOUSE!!!!", he yelled now. "House, get in here!!!"

But the diagnostician kept him waiting. Wilson got really pissed.

House on the other hand had a problem. He had known that Wilson would deny taking the money but it was worth trying anyway. Taking the oncologist hostage had not really been his plan but rather a kneejerk reaction.

Now he was not really sure about his next step. So he returned to his piano and thought it over. His yelling colleague he ignored completely.

Finally he shut the piano lid and got his Vicodin out. He had to do something so he visited his prisoner half an hour later. Carefully he opened the door and popped in his head always ready to dodge a flying shampoo bottle.

Wilson still sat on the bathtub edge and glared at him. "What the hell are you doing, House?"

"We should have known this is going to happen from the start", House told him.

Wilson looked surprised. "You actually want to talk? Like a real conversation?"

House shrugged and sat down next to him.

"Obviously the only way to make this go away."

"So, go on. What's your point?", Wilson said.

"It's easy. I hate being around people all the time, you need to analyze every single moment of your life or better my life. So even spending time with my best friend gets annoying sooner or later. And the week was really long."

Wilson was confused. That made actually sense.

"So we are still friends?", he asked him now.

House smirked. "Are you still an idiot?"

Wilson pursed his lips. "I think so, yes."

"Good. Would be a shame to lose you as a friend", House admitted.

"And it's not all bad about being friends with you", Wilson went on.

"Oh thank you. For a moment there I was worried. So, no pity friendship?"

"No. Who else could I have fun with at monster truck races? And nobody could feed my addiction for neediness better than you."

* * *

House smiled and brought out an almost empty pill bottle.

"Speaking of addiction, I could use a refill. So you brought your prescription pad?"

Wilson rolled his eyes and sighed. "House…"

House shrugged. "We can't have fun with monster trucks as long as I'm in pain."

"First you get me my freedom back, then we will drown these damn handcuffs in the river so this will never happen again. Then you will pay for my dinner since we lost to Cuddy because of you and then we can talk about your pills."

House looked confused. "I thought I have to invite Cuddy for dinner when we lose."

"Nevertheless, you will pay today!", Wilson insisted.

That was it. No long discussions about the incidents of the past week concerning their friendship and no heartbreaking apologies. Both were fine with it, they would probably never speak about this again. Well, maybe they would but there wouldn't be any hard feelings.

* * *

House agreed on inviting his friend for dinner, unfortunately he realized the lack of his wallet when it was time to pay the waitress in the diner.

"Stupid me, I must have forgotten it", he smirked.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Typical. Wouldn't recognize if you didn't", he told him and brought out House's wallet. It wasn't the first time House tried this one so whenever the diagnostician would forget to bring his wallet the oncologist would bring it for him.

Finally Wilson dropped him off at home. "Have a good night. I'm glad I don't have to spend the night with you again", the oncologist told him.

House nodded. "Yeah, that's what you say now but you'll cry yourself to sleep in your cold, empty bed", he replied.

"Then you can collect the sheets that are wet with tears for your shrine", Wilson suggested.

House grinned and left the car. "Don't get married on your way home!"

* * *

Two days later House was supposed to cover his clinic hours in the afternoon. So Cuddy did her usual routine. She asked the nurses whether the diagnostician had shown up for his duty.

"I saw him around 10 minutes ago", the nurse told her. "I think he is in exam room 2."

"Let's hope he's got a patient in there as well", Cuddy mumbled and went over.

She opened the door and was surprised. Not about the lack of a patient but rather about the presence of the head of oncology. For a moment she was relieved about the obviously repaired friendship but then she got angry again.

"House! What are you doing?", she yelled.

House threw her an innocent view.

"I do as you told me, I get it in order", he explained.

Cuddy sighed. "So it's either you guys being in a fight and not talking to each other or it's you guys being friends and not doing your jobs?"

Wilson nodded. "Guess that's it, yes."

"Well, I like it better that way. Now get your asses up and back to work!", she told them and confiscated once more House's beloved TV.

"And this time I'll keep it!"

"Damn it, the company only produced one of them. I'll never be able to replace it", House mocked her and grabbed his cane.

"Go back to work!", she told him and left.

"I see you later", Wilson told his friend and went back upstairs.

Cuddy approached House again while he was looking for an interesting file.

"It's nice to see you two being friends again", she told him. "How did you do this?"

House shrugged. "We are adults and men. Took us only five minutes."

Cuddy smirked. "Whatever it took, I'm glad it worked. Anyway, are you still interested in that dinner?", she asked him now seductively.

* * *

House raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, let me think. During the last week you chained me to Wilson, a stair rail, got me into prison, stole my food and money and made me clean your house. No, I don't think so. Goodbye!", he told her, turned around and called out the name of a patient. Together with an old guy he vanished into exam room 1.

Cuddy was confused but she would have to find out about this later because she was late for a meeting.

Few hours later House waited for Wilson in front of the elevator. They wanted to go bowling in the evening. Luckily the last week had not caused any permanent damages.

They had 7 more Saturdays to cover at Cuddy's place and since House had been able to convince Wilson that the lost bet was not his fault alone they agreed on calling their own bet a tie. Wilson would have loved to see House and Cuddy going out on a date but after House had threatened him with coming up with new rumors about Wilson's nasty private life the oncologist had promised to end his matchmaker ambitions. Plus that way he could avoid cooking for House for a month.

And there was a lesson in that story for them as well. They were best friends that's for sure. And they had a strong friendship going on which was obvious since they still had a frienship after that week. And neither of them could walk out of it because they couldn't be without each other. But they would never forget that this friendship was only a pleasure with enough free time for both of them.

"I still miss three of my boxers", Wilson announced when they crossed the hall in front of the clinic.

"Yeah, I keep them in my secret Wilson shrine. They match perfectly with the ties I stole from you two weeks ago."

One of the nurses held out a form for House to sign so they stopped at the nurse's counter.

Cuddy stood in the clinic and looked over. She was wondering whether House would start another try and was disappointed since he was obviously leaving for the day.

Wilson saw her standing there.

"So what about you and Cuddy?"

He received a glare from House and went on immediately.

"I won't give you any advice it's just curiosity."

House smirked.

"That woman nearly ruined our friendship. I think we all are better off with the status quo."

Wilson shook his head.

"Oh House, you...", he sighed but the diagnostician interrupted him.

"Excuse me nurse. Did I ever tell you about the odd stuff I found in Dr. Wilson's closet recently?"

"I get it", Wilson told him to shut him up and they left a disappointed nurse behind who would have loved to hear the latest gossip.

"Cuddy and I are not ready yet", House mumbled on their way out.

Wilson chuckled. "Probably. Maybe another 10 years and you give it another try."

But probably it wouldn't take that long. Because they didn't just leave behind a disappointed nurse. Their boss was sad, too. Cuddy didn't know if it was just another game of House or if the diagnostician had really lost his interest in her. She was really sad when she saw him leaving in a good mood with Wilson and she decided that it was now her turn to chase him for a while….

* * *

**Thank you for reading! :-)**


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